To my children:

So I was shopping at Costco the other day, and, in the distance, my eyes met with a powerful glare. At first I thought it was the sun, which, on most days, emits such powerful glares. But then I realized that I was, of course, indoors--where the sun don't shine, so to speak. So then I thought: "well maybe they're doing a demo for new GE lightbulbs. I mean, after all, General Electric is a company known for inventing powerful sources of artificial light." But I was wrong, you see, for after squinting my eyes and focusing on the origin of the luminescence, I distinctly made out the form of a bald male, 50-70 years of age, who was waiting in line to buy a bulk box of sesame snaps and Panasonic cordless phone.

The glare was coming from one of the ceiling lights reflecting off of his smooth, shiny bald head. When I put on my sunglasses, I thought to myself: "Holy shit! That's Captain Picard!"

Though I was approximately 90 feet away--some might say "at the other end of the store"--I am nonetheless almost positive that that was indeed Captain Picard. Plus, the Panasonic cordless phone gave him away, because in episode #3496A-D Captain Picard, in a scene that was later cut, is heard muttering to Riker: "We need to get a hold of the Cardassian ambassador...and the bloody commlinks are malfunctioning...if only I had one access to that telephone apparatus that our species used in the mid to late 20th century..." Now obviously this explains why Captain Picard was buying the 39-CX Panasonic cordless telephone with handset. Obviously.

I was so excited that I actually saw THE ONE AND ONLY Captain Picard that I rushed home to tell all my busty female roommates. But I was so anxious, that on the way home I had to stop at the Seven-Eleven to take a pee. So I'm standing at the urinal, and I swear to God that the guy taking a piss next to me was, in fact, none other than NBC news anchor Tom Brokaw...

Fester


I can't believe Captain Picard drives a 99 Chevy Cavalier with rusted license plates. That is so cool!


Imagine...in my very own home-town. Of course the capitain was disguised so that Romulan agents couldn't assassinate him. That's why he was wearing a red lumber-jack coat and looked about 40 pounds heavier. Oh, and he was black...but that's all part of the disguise!


Picard was buying this...now I have to get one too!


I even say Tom Brokaw taking a whizz. What a day!