This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 4th, 2012 at 2:38 am and is filed under Moe Comics.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
Allow me to start
A fresh new page of comments!
Hurrah! Moe is back!
I… I had almost given up hope… But here it is. New Moe.
… It’s more beautiful than I’d ever imagined.
Not a bad number for posts!
Let’s never forget.
I’m so big fat sorry to everyone :C
I still have to focus on some rap/commission stuff, but I am improving in mental health and I think that will mean good things for keeping on top of Moe too, even if it’s not daily.
I was blown away by all the creativity in the comment dungeon below the last comic. I would like to aggregate links to the fanart and creations in a news post. I was scared to read them for a while because I thought people would be raging, but my audience amazes me again. I hate that I abused your patience.
Really though – no big.
Trees more creatively ripe
simply don’t exist.
And I’ll add: welcome!
Take all the time you need, sir;
the fanbase can wait.
Though patient, my excitement
incites dribbling glee.
My first serial update
Has escaped from it!
My first reaction
On seeing a different page:
Girlish squeeing. EEEEEEE!
Ha ha, all this wait
And there is a word missing
In the dialogue
But don’t seek it now
I fixed my writing error
With Photoshop tricks
One last little graph,
in honour of comments past.
Note the sharp upturn.
Alas, our good Admiral shall never fail us! He merely teaches us to be patient and humble, for he shall always return a bounty from his long voyages.
Holy &#$@, an update!
Haiku’s heart swells with happy-joy.
But deep sadness, why?
The fated number.
The goaled one thousand, unreached.
What will Firman think?
And how? The tablet…
…broken and out of use, no?
Updates, why have you left me?
Long wait justified.
At last, he returns!
And there was much rejoicing.
And much pee stains, too.
Wow! I almost didn’t believe it! I love the new autumn color scheme. Praise be to the Forman! The pee stains probably come from all his 12yo soccer buddies.
I can’t express my joy. except… one moment…
Firman, I would say welcome back, but…
This is your home.
Thanks for inviting us all in.
I know too well the guilt that can build when many people are interested in a creation that you’ve made, but that you don’t have as much time for as you would like. (And the nasty cycle of “But now that it’s been so long, they will be expecting something truly grand. So I’ll have to wait until I’ve got better ideas…) I applaud you for overcoming any of that.
Finally, by definition you can’t abuse us as an audience. You’ve freely shared something that has entertained us all. So thank you for sharing your unique talents with us! Please continue to share whatever you would like as long as you are having fun. And try to avoid any habits of thought or action that make Moe feel like an obligation.
I really do admire your artistic style and the way you use it to express humor and wry comments on life. Thanks again for everything.
Hooray! I crashed!
Had to re-find page, new comic!
Felt like unreality.
Firman, Welcome home.
We admire Admiral.
I love what you make.
After our comments,
A different punchline is nice.
No raw fish and rice.
Raw fish and rice lives
Evermore within my heart,
And in my name: Carp!
I for one welcome
Raw fish and rice overlords
Ya, this joke is dead
Now that Firman reigns,
redundance is not needed.
Firman holds the reins!
YES. I’ve literally been checking the site EVERY DAY for updates. You’re the best, Firman, keep it going.
Never stop the raw fish and rice.
Raw fish and ROCK! *guitar solo*
Sorry for being the only one who was negative about your absence, Firman. I will follow you without question, Admiral.
By the way, anyone else having flashbacks to when Moe sh*t the bed?
Did someone say raw fish and rice?
This is the happiest day of my life! My wife has our first baby, and Michael Firman writes a new comic! What could possibly be better than this?
Finally I can relate to Moe!
Minus the pee. Ew.
On your new baby, Philip.
I hope it’s named Moe.
Thanks to this comic,
Philip will now introduce:
Firman, the Godfather.
Child birthed unto Phil
on the week of Moe’s return;
Stars align, joy reigns.
Nimz brings smooth fan art
Whilst breathing life to a joke
that I won’t let go.
Could someone hurry up and birth another child so that I can make the next comic?
Four hundred, fifty
Grace this story’s artful fate.
Hats off, we thank you.
(Firman, no apologies needed. You bless others with your art; as that karma returns to you, it is well-deserved. We thank you for what you share and ask for no more. Do what you must; do what edifies you, as healing comes in art’s expression. Morever, quality trumps quantity-you’ve given us that already.)
Ad: Fish seeking mate
to procreate, make children,
and inspire comics.
I’ll be over by the castle-bar in my fish tank with my order of rice.
I’m waiting, ladyfish.
The ‘raw fish and rice’
Was prepared from the last Moe -
Firman’s own letters.
One more confession:
‘Eat’ was formed from the ‘pee stains’.
Is that TMI?
So, Admiral Firman… Have you ever considered doing a Kickstarter campaign for a Moe game? I’ll program it for you.
>Press space repeatedly to avoid catastrophe.
>Just kidding your efforts just caused a much worse one.
Moe takes max damage.
Insta-survive requires food-
>eat raw fish and rice
While fishing for rice,
The rawhide cowboy noted:
Moe’s bed needs turning.
Yet moe’re reasons not to purchase used furniture from internet bulletin boards.
I second kickstarter.
Just so tired.
If kickstarter starts,
I would donate two dollars.
Maybe more, in fact!
You mean that you might
Even give two PLUS dollars
To Moe’s kickstarter?
Broken across lines,
Thoughts flow poorly for haiku.
Reference caught, though.
All Bo’s college fund,
saved by Moe: $2+
Thank you scholarships.
Bo now teaches here.
PhD little trouble.
Diet? Raw fish & rice.
I cast lines seaward,
passing time, waiting for Moe
while fishing off-shore.
I came here today to bitch about there still not being a new comic.
Patience, my dear James,
Is the skill that brings new Moe.
complaints do not help.
Comings and goings
of Moeseph resemble tides:
(As an aside though, I follow various webcomics; I admit to getting slightly sad when artists don’t update according to schedule for whatever reason, except for this comic. Not only is the art and dialogue constantly of high quality, the comment section community we’ve built is so great, I’m ok with waiting as long as it takes for updates to show up.
So, I encourage those irritated to join in with a comment. If you feel like you must voice disappointment, though, at least channel that into something positive, you know? Write a haiku if you’re into that, or whatever, there’s no pressure, just throwing that out there)
sure, if i have to.
though I don’t really want to,
I wrote a haiku
Teh Bucket has earned
my eternal, undying
Wake up, drink green tea,
followed by a soft-boiled egg;
Then sit, write haikus.
Haiku, or prose, or drunken limerick; post how ye wish it. Complaints, praises, recipies for lunches gone by. Pile these here, and high, to a mighty number. Just know that as the blinding light of the cursed daystar sears our retinas each day, so too shall Moe return to us. Good things come to those who will be patient and wait.
Oh happy day! I don’t have the mad skills like these guys to come up with a rhyme or Haiku so fast, but glad to see you back! And not just because it means more awesome free comics.
Acrid smoke wafting,
From some sick forest fire,
Into my bedroom.
Ash floating about,
Meandering in the wind,
Landing on my sill.
I jump and exclaim,
“Moe! Do you know what this means!?”
He just sinks in bed.
it smells of evil.
What to do about the fire?
Nimz: Battle menu!
> Retreat (no exit)
> Rejoice (NO! Bad pyro Nimz!)
> Relax (in Moe’s bed?)
>Nimz: summon Moe’s bed.
Moe’s bed shrinks past horizon.
raw fish takes damage.
Fish slightly cooked by fires.
Behold, a scroll of Rain Dance!
Be-old, some-one rain!
From the havens to the hearths!
(Moe sucks at reading)
The scroll hath failed us
Appease fire elementals
Offer your lighters
What a horrible,
Horrible thought – Where is Bo?
Could Moe be ON him?
I would not put it past Moe
To pull off that kind of prank.
Not too absurd of a thank
For his fraternal hero:
Miniature brodope, Bo.
Daily update here.
Work is tiring. Complain.
But must keep up chin.
So sleepy today.
A nap’s the thing I need, but—
No sheets on the bed!
“Here are the clean sheets,”
My wife explains, “I’ve washed them.
You can make the bed.”
Quoting my hero,
“No! Beds are for relaxing.
They are not for chores.”
And now I’ve just learned,
A couch is relaxing too.
I’ll sleep there tonight.
Palindr‘moe’ is cool.
He knows what beds are for, too.
… And sometimes couches.
Of beds and couches,
Palindr’moe’ got it correct.
Relaxing’s the way.
Haiku rules = simple
hard to follow exactly.
an extra syllable?
Seriously, I wish I had something clever or witty to say, or a cool chart to share. But unfortunately I do not. I will take the easy way out and simply say ‘raw fish and rice’.
is = pronounced as an =
or does = not count as
Brief post hiatus
perhaps precedes post windfall?
One can only hope.
I’ll get back to you -
This bed is for relaxing,
Not for new comments.
As Mark Twain once said to me,
“don’t poem at work”
Someone should join soon -
Naturally, be named Ku
For bad Haiku puns.
Must buy a new bed
Though I shall flip the mattress
Hard work is my way
With king-sized guacamole!
Real life is the pits.
haiku puns for Ku:
Greetings, Ku! no… HelloKu?
Sudo Ku reminds
Me of that Munroe comic
That goes something like…
Make me a sandwich!
No. Why not? You didn’t ask
For raw fish and rice.
I like my women
how I like my coffee, now,
Make me a sandwhich.
Here, have a Moeku.
It’s just like a real haiku,
but Moe wrote it.
Moe’s haikus? Totally wrong.
Moeku without form.
The Admiral weeps to sleep.
I like my women
How I like raw fish and rice;
Cold, moist and lifeless.
I like my women
The way I like my women…
I just like women.
I like my women
The way I take my coffee
ground up and scalded
Black and bitter just didn’t have that magical fifth syllable, see …
Ways to drink coffee:
There are two alternatives -
There’s raw fish and rice.
How did that get there?
I meant to say black or else
Half coffee, half milk.
That seems an odd slip -
A fairly specific fault.
Tough coffee business.
It’s a strange cafe,
But the better question is:
Where did that come from?
The cafe over there.
It’s called “Raw Fish & Rice Cafe.”
They also serve tea.
In light of the haiku-alanche, I present prose in a differing form. Ponder ye this old koan:
Once the monks of the eastern and western Zen halls in Nansen’s temple were
quarrelling about a cat. As he saw this, Nansen held up the cat and said,
“You monks! If one of you can say a word, I will not slay the cat.”
No one could answer, and thus Nansen cut the cat in two. Nansen told Joshu what had happened, and asked him for his view. Joshu thereupon took his sandals, put
them upon his head and went away.
Thus spake Nansen: “If you had been there, I could have spared the cat.”
I’m not very good at koan’s, but I’ll try one I was told a while back.
A man was looking for a mystery book.
He looked to Moe and said, “where do I find this?”
Moe responded, “when you can drink the river in a single gulp, you will find your section.”
Idgi in twofold.
But I guess koans do that -
I’m stuck on logic.
Someone steal one-hundred.
This is one hundred.
Though in binary it is
A man ate his house.
When asked about it, he said,
“Breath is full of life.”
^^ My attempt at a haikoan. I… don’t really know if I’m even doing it right? It would appear this is the fifth binary comment, though.
A man wandered into a forest accompanied only by his trusting dog. He was seeking freedom from his poverty-stricken lifestyle by escaping into true independence.
As he survived in the wild he found it intensely difficult to procure food for himself and his canine companion. After several days of almost no nourishment, he had to decide whether or not to eat his poor, trusting friend.
In the end, he decided he would have been better off sticking with raw fish and rice.
A haiku has come
To meet a completion need.
Not this haiku, though.
I propose the following alternate dialog for this strip, using nothing but the original letters lovingly rearranged:
Moe, that nude ivory booger is crazy.
You’re thriving past the neon ski zone.
You look like the path of a devil avocado.
Just impale the TV fortress!
No! Beds are for Rhinoceros Tan Gel X.
I will not flip the patient!
I will not clean the seamstress!
In honour of this strip rearranging, I concur with another dialog, and being much less creative, rearrange it in larger portions.
I will not clean the pee stains!
I will not flip over the mattress!
Beds are for relaxing, not for chores.
Just flip the mattress over,
You look like the pit in a halved avocado.
Moe… that groove in your bed is crazy.
You’re sinking past the event horizon.
That’s even more impressive than a koan.
This is a new game I must try.
Fake haiku not meant to troll.
An extra for today. Must keep the comments on a roll.
A boy grew up listening and loving rock and roll. He ate nothing but the bread that restaurants left on tables.
When he grew older, and his beard was as long as his hair, he began enscribing his wisdom in ketchup upon every piece of restaurant bread he came upon.
Unfortunately, when he started writing these information thoughts on tables, chairs, plates, and waitresses, he was informed that he “Must keep the comments on a roll”
The new menu came!
Raw fish and rice replaced by…..
Raw fish, rice, and rolls!
It’s truly a marvel of modern convenience to have comment carriages juxtaposed with sashimi.
There once was a man
who named his one paintbrush ‘Dan’,
but it was a crayon.
Your party of two
Chance encounters a mattress.
Moe takes light damage.
(you know, ’cause he’s sinking past the event horizon… light… nevermind.)
A mattress draws nigh! You have been surprised! Mattress gains first attack!
Mattress uses ‘Envelop’. Attack success, back line caster ‘Moe’ is trapped!
MENU – PLAYER 1
Something tells me that Moe couldn’t get out of that bed even if he tried.
Oh no, Moe can’t go!
Will he be forever trapped?
We’ll find out next time!
I need to learn GIF
This art is magic come true.
But, yet, in motion.
I don’t know the rules -
Does Moe get a saving throw?
Bet he rolls snake eyes.
And that is formatting gone awry. Forgot the eating of spaces thing would happen. >_<
Yeah, making art via text is difficult here. Why does it eat spaces? Why does Moe hate spaces?
It might be mattress.
It has event horizon.
It eats the spaces?
I’ve been laying low
Who the heck knows why? Not me.
I’m still around, though.
Carp’s been laying low.
A dange’rous occupation,
As he should well know.
Laying low’s the foundation
Of bad mattress grooves.
I plead, “Flee gravitation’s
Eleven, when squared,
Was the post count for a day.
Too much relaxing?
Inspiration for new posts!
This is what we need.
There’s something in mind
I have for the next fan art…
Moe turned on its side.
We’ll see if mangas
Can capture the Moe essence
If I don’t give up.
I got the next Moe all roughed out, it’s eight panels and features lots of old favourite characters. But I don’t know if I’ll get it done in time before I head away for the THNAKSGIVIG WEEKNED. So either really soon or pretty soon!
I want to go on a Thnaksgivig weekned….
My favorite holiday.
Such a merry time.
Weekneds should be full
Of jyo, hop, and thnaksgivig;
We must celebrate
This festively themed event
With raw fish and rice.
Now we get two thanksgivings.
Hurray! more turkey!
Hooray! Great news! I hope the new strip will have toothabootha and cement bag head…
Surely Officers Mallay and Dumpty will feature prominently in the next strip. Perhaps with a slightly smaller deadness attribute. . .
Along with partner, Dumpty,
Fit ‘old favourites’.
Glad to hear from you, admiral. Was beginning to worry this was becoming a moenthly webcomic.
But all 8 panels
are nothing but them eating
For some reason, I’m envisioning The Last Supper with Moe in the middle surrounded by Bo, Grandpa, Elliot, Heckling Clown, the sitting ducks, etc.
In Firman’s honour,
here, the aforementioned scene.
no blasphemy meant.
Moe waits as we all
Do. Watching the Admiral seas.
Sail home, Captain Bo.
Wow, this is like a magical wish machine! I envision something and it comes to life! OK, um, OK…. I envision myself with . . . ONE MILLION DOLLARS! *looks around* Dang, that didn’t work.
Teh_Bucket, awesome work! I love how Grandpa is aloofly ignoring the whole scene by playing cards with someone off-scene… classic.
cut/pastes Firman’s work.
now doramjam’s wish is mine:
my million bucks.
Lovely work, if slightly blasphemous. Perhaps the Almighty will smile upon it, for He has created the platypus and in so doing has demonstrated His divine sense of humor.
will not flip mattress.
will not clean out the pee stains.
will not do blaspheme.
To do list today:
Cook rice and feed to the fish.
Check. Flip bed. Uncheck.
found coins in the couch.
What fortunes lie in mattress?
too bad, won’t find out.
Moe won’t move. Yet. Still.
It is our only bed, Moe.
I am so very tired.
Still a WIP, but this is the germ of the idea I had. Still haven’t figured out what Moe responds with, but probably something along the lines of being put out for toture. Eliot is so insensitive to Moe’s needs.
Here it is.
Though it isn’t there,
I am seeing Moe slide down.
I guess he can’t fall.
Glorious work, nimz.
The second panel is great.
I know Moe’s response!
He’s distressed at not looking
Like raw fish and rice!
Bought my own tablet –
Perhaps soon I will make art
and be like Firman.
Carp, I look forward
Your art in the distance there
Behind Lord Firman
Is it really soon or pretty soon yet?
I’ve actually decided to try to come up with something different as the next strip – the one I had going with the old characters wound up being insensitive because of something that has come up in the news. I’ll still use it, but later.
I actually care less about the idea that it’d be insensitive and more about the idea that people would think I’m trying to comment on current events!
One hundred and fifty one
gotta moe them all!
There’s a thing called news?
You mean media are used
For things not quite Moe?
I don’t pay any attention to the news or current events, so I wouldn’t know if you were commenting on them or not unless it was blatantly pointed out. But I can see where you’re coming from. At least you’ve got a guaranteed ringer already in place for some time in the yet to come.
I am eager for
Does that make me bad?
Awws, shoot. All I’ll be able to think about is which eventual comic Firman is talking about, and with which news event it would be considered insensitive.
Let me practice… The current strip about the bed and the event horizon is insensitive to English Mastiff owners.. see this CNN video.
Firman is the best
When it comes to politics.
Moe for president!
Politics do not
matter in our daily Moe.
Bo for president!
Comic shelved, dormant.
Moments begging satire shall
call it forth again.
Haikus minimal through time
Nestled amongst days.
(still got it)
We patiently wait
Firman will not disappoint
In his own good time
To flex a muscle
is to avoid atrophy;
Working out word skill.
I will attempt to make 2 haikus, one with the fewest words possible, and one with the fewest letters possible.
(three word haiku)
Lo, Moe is no go
Bo, no Moe, also no go
Go Moe! And go Bo!
(36 letter haiku if I counted right)
Can anyone beat that?
(I have to admit, I can’t stop loving the haiku throw-downs. How has this not infected the rest of the internet?)
Uninfected internet -
How did that happen?
A so-so hobo; (9)
To go so so-so, why so? (15)
Hobo! Obey law. (11)
For a total of 35. Perhaps a point deduction for not being Moe-centric, but hey, I did what I could.
to stretch imaginations
beyond shapes pallid.
Dearest W, (8)
My idea is as a (11)
Boa on fire. (9)
28. The use of a single letter for three syllables is a bit cheap, though. In the spirit of rectification, here is an alternate first line with same letter count:
“I am a hobo.”
Some other good words for letter reducitation and syllable maxification:
Io (2/2), area (3/4), cameo (3/5), alien (3/5). Apparently Iouea (4/5) is a genus of Cretaceous fossil sponges.
Let’s put some of those to immediate use, shall we?
Iouea cameo -
My Moe idea.
6+10+9 = 25
Maybe Jetpack Hunk gets them there.
I shall not haiku
for prose is my chosen means
to project my thoughts …
Little does Fren know,
haikus are omnipresent,
there is no escape.
(cue evil laugh)
Also, props to Nimz;
May your penchant for verbal
contortions shine on.
(cont’Moe’rtions, that is)
Stone-silent day spent
Away from our screens, elsewhere;
To where shall we stay?
Our vigil, maintained
Eyes scan seaward, foggy views
Our Admiral, lost
We’re almost up to
a quarter of the comments
from the last comic
(176 / 723 = 0.2434)
I made a haiku,
And left it here in my mind.
Now I can’t find it.
Maybe it will show
Where I least expect it to.
Should make a mind map.
A mind map? What of?
Would it show your dreams? Or fears?
Beware where you look.
Next strip split in half,
launched into future and past.
Let’s try and find it!
I think we need math.
who knows a ‘Moe’fficient?
I must have forgot.
Chemistry may help.
represents one ‘Moe’le.
I believe your ‘Moe’le
Will be found short by over
In terms of percent,
That’s under point three seven,
So I’ll let it slide.
I think that should “count”.
WWMD? What would Moe do to prepare for a hurricane?
Moe ties himself down
to a large, heavy object.
In this case, himself.
earthworm winnow ginned
Traceback (most recent call last):
File “MakeHaiku.py”, line 27, in
File “MakeHaiku.py”, line 8, in getLine
idx = random.randint(0,len(words[toGet])-1)
IndexError: list index out of range
Six zero two starts
Avogadro’s phone number.
Then, one oh two three.
I will wait for 9000:
Too many bugs now.
is a strong, profound statement.
redfish: a tribute.
embracing my roots,
Bagpipe music full volume.
Annoys the roomate.
Complete temporal balance.
Entropy has won.
The mind in chaos
Steadily drifts to order.
Take that, thermo-D.!
A curt refusal,
Negligence of social norms…
We’ll call it a draw.
Thermos! : D
entropy for sad friend.
Going away soon,
A brief overseas sojourn;
Go on without me.
Perhaps I’ll swim free
In waters more tropical;
(there was meant to be a period at the end of that last word there, DANGNABBIT)
How can this fish be redeemed?
Work towards Moe praise.
The archives run deep,
undercurrents of comments;
sleepy river flows –
Although the site slows,
Onwards and upwards!
from readings of the author’s
So I rhapsodize
and harp (poetically?) on;
brief repose revives.
Man am I hungry.
Perhaps airborne I’ll find some
raw fish and rice meals.
Everyone so kind.
Won’t steal the coveted 2-0
0. I ran out of….
in honour of your roundness,
Moe in Hurricane.
What a lovely pic
Of a 3D Moe for the
Moe and bed overlapping!
A cyclone of sleep?
A bit late, but here’s a haiku on the topic of changing of clocks.
Daylight Saving Time -
Change the clocks twice every year:
Spring forward, Fall back.
Moe has no regard
For the changing of the clocks:
All times are bedtime.
daylight savings came early.
Oh, look at the time!
Firman, as a Canadian, I just wanted to say I appreciate your admiration for our beloved Prime Minister. Thanks for keepin it fresh.
Nov 6th has come, yo.
Time to get voting, Americans.
(You don’t get to vote though)
It is a bit late,
If you’re voting out of state.
oh yeah, Halo four.
Four more beers?
Nimz, do you not love the Chief-Master?
I heard the outcome
of yesterday’s election
on The Daily Show.
Halo is Halo.
Hasn’t changed much since game 1.
But it sure looks nice.
I… am not sure if you’re referring to politics or Halo. Yeah, I’m that sheltered in my ivory tower of mathematics.
If it’s politics, I didn’t even look at the US election results until just a moment ago. I was just making a pun on the common chant for those that support incumbents. Whether the beers are celebratory or inebriatory in purpose is irrelevant to the pun I was making.
If it’s Halo, I’ve never played any of the series, so if there is a character called Chief-Master there, I have no opinion due to lack of any relevant knowledge.
And so I don’t stray too far out of form, I shall append this relevant haiku.
If there ever was a haiku with a relevant introduction, I just read it.
Anyone tried Halo yet?
Not a Haiku.
Just a Moe’ku, in three parts.
Roommate got the 4.
Haven’t played it myself, though,
cuz of the bagpipes.
i have finally returned after almost a year of not having a functioning computer. and i find moe has had a metaphorical orgy of updating. this is most good. although this latest one dates back a bit i am still in a righteous mood about the whole thing. also good to see haiku still doing his haiku thing along with mr carp. i haven’t been here since the late great superduck and gregory power combo of 2010 and 11. those boys were something special. anyway here i am getting all old and sentimental an’ such, forgive this old fool for caring too much :’)
Back from vacation
In time to hail the return
Of Omi! Whaddup!
The Moe’kus, constant.
Infinite fractal spirals
of poems abound.
nothing much my boy,
just chillin, killin, and such
boring haiku go!!
Like the pit in a halved avocado… such a perfect description.
Pee stains still extant
Mattress flipping, not a thing
Static Moe, breathless.
And welcome back, Omi! Nice to see an old face about.
Fren, does that mean Moe has finally found the love interest that takes his breath away? Who knew it would be as simple as a finding the right matress!
Nimz, as always, the key to love and mattresses is simply size. Though many and more go for the queen sized bed, trust in me on this: a full is big enough to share, yet small enough that sharing is fun.
But, as goes, Moe shall never find love so long as he’s displaying urine stains upon his mattress.
I can sympathise -
Moe doesn’t have the stomach
To face the new day.
Except, the day isn’t all that new anymore.
Waking up, tricky –
Especially when the bed
holds with iron hands.
Boredom in excess
prevents movement and hygiene;
Dang! I can relate.
Late nights, faint odours,
Sleeping white mass, lack of vim;
Thus lies our hero.
Now too will I sleep
My bed inviting, cozy;
The deep pit beckons.
(perhaps that first line could have used a punctuation mark at its end, whatever, this is poetry, not an op-ed for the NYT)
(anyways, good night y’all)
Wonder what Moe plays
before decamping to bed;
I favour Eno.
Haikus gather dust
in a pile slowly swelling;
Where have you all gone?
Studying subverts from Five,
Seven, Five writing.
If I fail topology,
I’ll need a new job.
So yeah, just a little bit o’ stress going into December. Kinda wish I could get by with the habits Moe displays in this comic.
Exams are for wimps.
I don’t need to study yet!
Delusion is great.
stress fades to nothing after a week of living on nothing but coco pops, scotch, and beef jerky. i am suffering from malnutrition and awesomeness
Omi, perhaps awesomeness is suffering from you?
Omi causes no adjective to suffer. i resent all implications, good, bad or otherwise. i think i need vegetables and some water. help
Omi, I am obliged to point out that “awesomeness” is not an adjective, but a noun. I hope you weren’t studying for an English test!
Does anyone want to start a Kickstarter project to get Firman to post the next comic?
Awesomeness, the noun,
Suffered from overdosing
On its own awesome.
The kickstarter plan
Has one fatal flaw to it:
It lacks a ‘Moe’ pun.
ah so it is, my mistake. i find patience and other peoples haikus to be the best way to get sir firman posting comics again. but out of curiosity how would the moe-pun-less kickstarter project work
Thank you, Brothers, for keeping the faith.
A Moe kickstarter
Would basically be a bribe
for the Admiral
The Admiral is
a man incapable of
most basic bribery
(Trust me, I’ve tried)
(Oh, my god, how I’ve tried)
What’s going on?
(I’ve try all the time)
(In this institution…)
I see. (And I pray)
We’re doing “What’s Up” now. (Oh
My god, do I pray…)
(I pray every single day
Thank you everyone for staying tuned! And Doramjan for his bribery support ( I still owe him something fantastic )
I’m not going to say any excuses! I’m just going to get back into a Moe routine, but not as frequent as the beginning of 2012. We’ll see how I manage!
Let’s arrange a firm date, even though mid-December to the new year will spell trouble for a schedule. New Moe strip by December 4th, or else everyone has to post mean haikus about me.
A new Firman post!
Only three months between Moes.
A deadline is set.
(So all we had to was start singing? I would have started singing a long time ago!)
“Hold the phone!” “What’s wrong?”
“It won’t send or receive calls!”
We have … a dead line. 8)
I’ll be back at morrow, hopefully a bit wittier.
December 4th is
Almost a line of haiku;
and a line of dead.
Manna from on high!
News of new comic trickles
out. Or does it ooze?
Let’s take this moment
to update the Moe Wiki.
Poo poop oop poo-oops.
A new day begins.
I find myself unable
To hate on Firman.
Do I lack mean genes?
If writing not-mean things counts,
The answer is No.
Nimz, fear not, Sir.
The Admiral has time yet.
December 4th, full.
Yeah unfortunately it looks like it’s going to take the 4th to make it, since the 3rd has unexpectedly been a bust. I’m so rusty, I just hope I don’t end up with something entirely lacklustre. 2AM – I need to go sleep!
Iron oxide foe:
Adversary Moe will face?
Ruddy and willing.
Man, I’m starting to feel incapable of making things :C
When is this lull going to end?
This remains my best idea so far, but still seems kind of dark for the official archives, I don’t know: http://www.firmanproductions.com/latrine/abandmoened.gif
With Firman’s sketch,
The lull is terminated
Seriously, Admiral Firman, whether or not you decide to do anything
more with that sketch or include it in the archives, I am so glad you
shared it. I really can’t recall having ever laughed so much at any
other comic you’ve written. This one is truly brilliant and one of your
best in my opinion.
If this reflects the state of nearly-rejected ideas, please keep sharing!
Rewards repeated viewings
With laughter anew.
I can’t help it. The final punchline panel should have lost its punch for me
by now, since, having read it over and over, I know the ending. But I still
laugh out loud every time I look at it. Comedy genius.
Hostile Judgment mode. Not found:
Mode set to Tasty.
I am the candy gun. It is me. xD
No comic arrives,
Yet I find myself sated;
best back catalogue.
Short advice: don’t push!
Practice, get into a groove,
Post when satisfied.
“Get into a groove”?
Of the Event-Horizon-
Oh Admiral, you need not worry yourself. No matter what form Moe takes, we have always enjoyed it. To quote you from earlier this year:
March 7th, 2012 at 9:05 am
What if I just end up having a terrible month this year? Like all of June, the punchlines are about how much Moe hates Mondays & how much he wants some coffee. Can you forgive me? Will you forgive me?!
Please don’t leave me.
I can’t face Mondays alone.
Face your fears, Admiral! You aren’t alone. We’re all in this together.
Alright, yes, I shall grant you, the remainder of us merely consume the content you provide. However, I think it of note that we’re all very sweet, kind, supportive and decent folk that never, ever chide you about anything. So, really, just throw down how you’d like. Schedule or no!
Some orange residue
Delays Moe leaving his bed.
Rust? or Moe’s pee stains?
ewwww, orange pee? eeeewwww
Not touching *THAT* bed again.
The pee need not be
As deep a colour, you see,
As the stains, indeed.
Also, orange urine would not be as bad as reddish brown urine. o_o
Pee of some colors?
Find a doctor, here or sea.
Wait. Better not here.
Proud of his rainbow,
urine-stained in his bedsheets,
Moe refuses chores.
I don’t even want to know how he gets the blue or violet. (O-O)
Food coloring, yes?
Or maybe he eats lead paint?
So many choices.
Food colouring would be more natural, but I am not sold on its efficacy, unless applied rather late in the *ahem* process. Also,
The lead paint option
Sounds much more in character
Than use of food dyes.
One wonders whether Mister Moe
has ever considered becoming
a practitioner of Zen philosophy.
Back-of-the-envelope calculations suggest
this would be instant comedy gold.
I think Moe, like most things in his life, would get it wrong.
But suddenly, I realize, -can- someone get zen wrong? Or is that the true zen?
One could also say
Moe achieved his zazen state
When he went 3D.
He even had some koans preceding his 3D fan art. It all makes so much sense! At least, to this mind that is still bound up in rational thought…
A Moe comic on the cutting room floor
Leaves fans patiently waiting for more.
For though Firman’s rusty,
In time we trust he
Will find his groove for Moe comics galore.
I really want to see more of the 3D art. Angry Moe was hilarious.
New Moe! Moe Anew!
Sure, it’s “just” a sketch, but hey,
it still made me laugh!
More 3D then? well,
Just like Moe, I have finals.
It frustrates us both.
We crossed the threshold.
One Hundred days since new Moe.
Can’t wait hundred more…
Can always wait one hundred hundred less.
Comments in a lull
Conversation spurs new Moe.
Ummmm, raw fish and rice?
And here’s a word cloud
Showing all the comment text
Since September 4th
MOE in hex equals 4D4F45
4D4F45 as a color equals http://www.colorhexa.com/4d4f45.png
And that color would actually fit surprisingly well in the current web page color scheme!
Doramjan, the graphs and charts are beautiful, as always. The comment count tracker graph looks rather like a sideways parabola, or a square root function. Perhaps a regression curve could be drawn to extrapolate.
How did I get so big in the word cloud? I guess I could reread some of the comments from the start…
… okay, I’m back. And I found out the real reason Moe hasn’t updated yet, and why the good Admiral Firman is having artist’s block. There hasn’t been another child born since the week of Moe #450. Experts are baffled at the global population actually declining over the past three months.
I suspect any three letters when converted to hex, and the hex code converted to colour would tend to be dark greyish. This does not negate the fact that <color=MOE> would fit nicely with the current web page colour scheme.
Doramjan breathes life
Into the stagnant comments
With cool graphs and charts.
That’s a big Moe.
Nimz, you’re absolutely right that pretty much all the ASCII values for words would make about the same shades of dark gray, but not all names translate to the exact length hex value for a color Moe is only 3 letters so it works great!
But there are differences! For example, NIM->hex->color looks like this:
which is grayer than the greenish color of Moe->hex->color:
And the color of Moe is dark grey, like his heart.
I feel like there were more posts inbetween these. Did I miss something? Were they somehow deleted?
I don’t recall seeing any posts that got eaten up. Maybe it was a dream? Speaking of dreams, a haiku happened in an IRC channel I visit that could be tangentially relevant here, too, so I’ll say it again:
Life is but a dream.
For some it is lucid dreams.
Others have nightmares.
who would make a better Santa Clause: Grandpa, Jetpack Hunk, or Eliot? discuss.
d’oh.. no E in Claus
Grandpa would make the best Santa Clause.
Jetpack Hunk would be best Santa Clause.
But what would poor Moe be? He’s no grinch, but nor is he a reindeer. He needs a role.
Moe would fill the role of the lump of coal in the stocking?
Ummmn, is it too late to get on Santa’s bad list if that’s the case?
Stand your ground, lads. Scan the foggy shores, for the times nears. Saint Admiral Firman shall come and launch new comics down the exhaust ports of our dwellings. He shall! HE IS REAL DAMN IT.
Yes, DORAMJAN, there is an Admiral Firman. He exists as certainly as wordplay and multi-layered artwork and sarcasm exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Admiral Firman. It would be as dreary as if there were no INTERNETS. There would be no childlike exclamations of POO! then, no haikus, no comments to make tolerable the inevitable waiting between comics. We should have no enjoyment in either point or click. The eternal light with which Moe fills the world would be extinguished.
Speak not of such things, Palindr’moe.’ Let us never give up hope. The apocalypse has come and gone but the seas are still waving. So does the Admiral still sail and we must wait until the winds of change bring him back to us.
This end of the world is so dull.
A joyous Crimbo’s Eve to you all. Keep the light burning and your eyes turned seaward!
no Christmas for MOE this year, must have been a bad MOE
Merry season’s days, folks!
Which I don’t say to be secular, but because I like phrasing things in silly new ways. I am out on the family gathering tour with only my laptop, but I am hoping I can still make a strip if I could just end this damn creative block!
We had it all wrong! The Admiral is not lost at sea but, in fact, beached! We must bombard him with the rain of new ideas – leave nothing out – so a tide of bad humor and good fortune may wash him back to our tiny island!
Bo, Bo, Bo! Moe’rry Christmas!
poo Christmas oop poo!
Merry season’s days oop oop!
opo Glad tidings!
I can’t believe it.
I forgot ‘raw fish and rice’
Until Boxing Day.
My haiku last night could have been that much more epic. * sigh *
Nimz, I think your futile and inept struggle for epicness is PERFECTLY suited for Moe I consider an artfully crafted tribute to all that is Moe.
(I of course use “futile and inept struggle” in its kindest and most complimentary meaning)
This is the Christmas season, so we’re all more than a little tired. Who else got snow? Snow in droves? Snow whiter than Moe?
What did Moe ever do for work? As in, how does Moe earn money? Thoughts?
Moe worked at Best Pie,
But then he stopped working there.
Then he went to jail.
Upon his release,
Moe just lazes in his bed
With raw fish and rice.
Have a blessed New Year, every’Moe’dy!
Raw fish and rice in our mouths,*
Hope reigns eternal.
*as in saying ‘raw fish and rice’ frequently. Actually eating rf&r is also permissable.
Hey guys! Randomly joining!
Happy New Year, all!
Firman: you underestimate just how much I’m loving these German jokes. I’ve been teaching myself the language for about six months now! Sie ist meine Lieblings-Sprache!
Seriously, though, let’s have conversations in German. Please?
It’s Caladhiel again, but this is my Russian prostitute name.
So guys help me out here: should I be Caladhiel, Elf-Queen of Green/Mirkwood, or should I be Svetlana, Russian prostitute/Ivan Drago’s girlfriend?
тебя лучше назвать Светланой
Doramjan … are you trying to tell me that I scored a Tetris?
be caladlana the elf prostitute of Mirkingrad. in other news, i hope everyone had a joyous season of celebration, and i wish lord firman all the best in crush the ruinous forces of creative block.
So… Admiral Firman needs to score a creative Tetris?
Fren, in soviet russia, TETЯIS scores you!!
Yes, I think this shall work as an allegory. The tetrads are the mental detritus of our dear Admiral’s block. We must work to clear them away, line by line, so that the spice may flow once again.
Derp, just mixed metaphors. In an allegory. Not gonna be the best year, is it?
Or it’s going to be an amazing year! Who says we can’t mix metaphors. Where else can a five year old who only says “poo” become an astronaut and meet Jet Hunk, a rocket powered explorer of space? And this is not including the Moe family, the tooth brush psychopath-girlfriend, and – well – Moe himself.
Truly, this is madness. Dogs and cats living together. Haiku wrote in prose! Oh no!
Shame, it injures me.
Fren, a friend to all, Fren is.
Repair! Lost honor…
Spasibo, Doramjan ^^ All I could figure out was “you” and “Svetlana”, I really don’t know a lot. I do have the alphabet memorized though
Omi, good idea.
Firman, gutes Glueck mit die naechtse Comic! Ich kann nicht warten! Ich liebe dich und deine Fangemeide, dass ich bin ein Teil von sie Es tut mir Leid wenn dies ist schlecht, ich habe grammatik Probleme auf Deutsch ^^;
Whoops just noticed error in my name. I’m the queen of double-posting, apparently -_-
Since our dear Admiral has a block that no amount of rum may flush, I submit that we begin posting ideas for a new story arc. Perhaps one of our thoughts may serve to eliminate the log which jams his creative river. Firman needs a writing team! Perhaps we may yet serve.
New Fir`Moe’n comic:
Moe saves an author insert
<strikethrough>With raw fish and rice</strikethrough>
<strikethrough>From Firman Subfusc</strikethrough>
From raw fish and rice.
we should do a tandem story write-up like those things where each person adds a line and it goes to all sorts of wacky and zany places or as is more common, butts and the like.
ill kick us off as i have very little else to do at 1:50 in the morning.
moe stared off into the sunset, his bald head glinting majestically in the sun…
also if i don’t return to add to or finish this story then my house has been engulfed by the fires that are turning my country into the fire nation. it has been a pleasure to serve aboard this comicship under the command of the great firman. a poignant moment of reverence for the brave posters we have lost over time: Kanye, Gregory, superduck, superduck’s ghost, carp, and countless others who i have shame fully forgotten. and a heartfelt salute to those whom continue this proud tradition, you do all those who came before you proud. Omi signing off to start packing for evacuation out of the danger zone. later homeboys.
…and said to himself “ow god my eyes hurt”…
….one of Moe’s roommates said, “Moe! You’ve got to get out of here! That’s Australia going up in flames – not the sun!”…
(Be safe, Omi. Be safe and return)
… Just after Moe’s roommate had spoken a mighty koala, imbued with the power of flames, rose over the horizon …
Best of luck Omi. I don’t think I’ll have to evacuate, unless it’s 2003 all over again.
… Or so they thought, until it became obvious it was really a drop bear…
Stay safe from those fires.
And of course those drop bears, too.
And other critters.
…the drop bear gets the drop on Moe, who is engulfed in flame and fur…
…hilarity ensues while everyone tries to beat the burning drop bear out without regard for Moe…
…moe ends up resembling the drop as a result of the beating which leads to extra hilarity as everyone starts beating the burning drop bear and drop moe out…
also i am back, the fire was a great big let down for me as the only property damage i suffered was shattering my laptop screen to hell in my haste to pack.
Crushing disappointment belongs here with Moe.
Moe is walking in the park when he bends over to pick up a flower…
My punchline: He eats the flower. Someone asks him why he did that, he says “To check for poisorrrghhlglglhglllgghghgl”
Heh heh heh!
*foam foam foam*
Moe is sitting down, listening to music on his new BOSE headphones.
reminiscing about girlfriends past (and not necessarily about *HOW* they passed)
He absent-mindedly wanders into an archery store and is soon surrounded by BOWS.
… which are wielded by ARCHERY STORE AMAZONS!
The Amazons tell Moe to get down on his knees while making hand gestures.
Moe just stands and looks while still wearing his headphones.
Moe shrugs and says “what?”
still hangin around
still slingin haikus about
been really busy
(ohohohoho, i bet you all thought i stopped posting, which is understandable, but i’ve been doing some Big Life Things and haven’t been able to post with my usual zealous regularity. this may or may not change soon? at any rate, i’m not abandoning the site and i’m certainly not abandoning Moe by any means)
Don’t worry too much about it, come and join our silly comic text collaborations.
With their knee gestures,
Moe mistakes the AMAZONS
For Skyrim people.
… yes, I went there.
Moe asks them what they were doing before they took the arrow – and never finishes the joke after being shot in the knee. Twice.
Twice in either knee.
Moe, sent to the hospital, …
… Finds new love int’rest?
Moe looks on the bright side, looks forward to hospital jello, when suddenly…a vistor?
(Agh, someone break my kneecaps for that one)
The ARCHERY STORE AMAZONS still have plenty of arrows…
Oh, hey Moe. Fancy meeting you here. In the hospital. With suspiciously similar injuries.
Moe looks blankly at Nimz. “Do I know you?”
*comes into the room* Hello, I’m your doctor. May I ask what you’re here for? Oh, if you’re wondering why you can’t feel your legs, that just means the Novocain kicked in, so don’t worry. We administered it directly to the breakage sites!
Moe has injuries
Far too terrible to heal.
(Organs are missing)
Organs are missing?
Caladlana is the suspect.
Quickly! Restrain her!
(See … I think it would have been in a Firmanesque sense of humor to indicate that Moe had no legs due to him being listed on his ID as a leg donor. But eh, it’s not my story!)
my dear fren it is everyones story at the moment. treat it like the wanton hussy it is and take it round the block. this story is the filler crack whore whilst we wait for lord firman to bring us the properly illustrated and hilarious genuine high class escort that is moe
“… No, you don’t understand, Doc Cal, I’m a piano donor, not an organ donor. … Yes, you can have the tuning fork, Hey! That’s a wishbone, not a tuning fork!”
My confidence in the competence of doctors in this realm has actually gone up due to this encounter.
(Heh heh heh, I’m totally going to steal that piano-organ joke)
Pian’Moe or Moe’rgan?
And is he part of a CM’oe?
Though we may grow tired, we must never stop Moeing.
Health care or health scare?
Doc has a knockout technique -
I’m out seven teeth!
(At least I was rendered unconscious for the duration of the knee amputation surgery. I’m not sure how they managed to remove my knees and leave my legs and feet attached to the rest of my body…)
But that doesn’t explain the teeth!
My goodness, you’re right!
The only explanation:
My teeth are knees now.
Nimz, I am afraid you’re taking too much medication.
How many atoms in a guaca-mole?
Haiku, they only gave me the Schedule II stuff. Imagine how much more interesting this would have been if they bumped me all the way up to Schedule V! Oh, and by ‘they’ I mean Them! Somehow I got transported to a hospital where all the doctors and all the other patients are giant ants. But they’re pretty friendly, so it’s all good. You can tell the President he can stop sending fighter jets to ‘rescue’ me.
Hark! This mattress be
unflippable! Moe shall ne’er
never allow it.
Careful with your speech!
is what they all said.
And then they were all dumbfounded when Moe’s matress hit an iceberg…
Has it been five months?
Eliot’s words still ring true:
“Moe, STOP! SEE PEE SPOTS”.
Moe stews in his own.
What ripe cocktail doth he make?
A drink none partake.
You make everything groovy,
Moe. Just one look at your bed
Is proof of that point.
It proves some other things, too, but let’s not examine those things too closely lest our olfactory senses become overwhelmed.
How did I think 7-7-5 was 5-7-5?
A slight to the form.
My deepest apologies
For rhythmic error.
This mattress comic reminds me of another Moe comic… http://www.firmanproductions.com/?p=530
Such a show of bladder control! To top off a small wine glass, pinch off and hold the remainder is truly a show of remarkable tenacity. You keep at ‘em, Moe.
Ah, Doramjan, yes. Classic Moe response. Why move when you don’t have to?
A slow comment stream
Has the Admiral vanished?
We patiently wait
NO JOKE, I went to the haiku generator at http://www.generatorland.com/glgenerator.aspx?id=113 and it made the following (eerily appropriate for this comic) haiku:
darting salmon on stained sheets
mocking bird for love
I shall leave its interp’Moetation to the wisdom of the crowd
Wow. That is eerily appropriate. That may also be the explanation for Moe’s failed attempts at love – he’s only had human love interests instead of mocking birds.
the comments have dried
all gone is the great word rush
lord firman is still
Yet we merry few
We band of brothers remain
On Saint Crispin’s Day.
Crud, I’m late again, it’s February. Well, it’s the thought that counts, right?
godbless henry the fifth.
swoops in for post four hundred;
moe is eternal.
Fren, it is always
Always always, in always,
the thought that counts here.
I’m going to bounce back. I’ll figure out a way. It’s been months since I’ve even drawn anything which is shameful, but also means the artistic urge is getting backed up. You folks have been unnaturally patient and forgiving and that demands some kind of rewarding payoff.
Firman, we are pulling for you! Keep your stick on the ice
This haiku not found.
In this non-existent post,
There is no comment.
(If no one else is going to nab 404…)
oh shit im glad you got it nimz, i probably would have wasted it. and the lord returns. much like pavlov’s dog we shall wait for the picture drawings
Just wanted to let you know that although I’ve never posted I’ve been following Moe for years, and you always do great work admiral. I’m sure I’m not the only one fondly F5′ing from the shadows.
We shall mill about the site
and patiently wait.
Moe shall return soon.
Have been backing up for months.
I’d feel an urge too.
Moe’s still in his bed—
Things are starting to back up.
I’d feel an urge too.
Best of luck, Firman!
We’ll be pleased with what comes out
Whenever it comes.
When haikus fail, what will bring news of Moe?
When after months of wait there’s still no show,
What else can we, the stubborn faithful, try?
Moe’s fast asleep, in bed (whose forms defy
The laws of nature, as we’re told). And so
We wait, write haikus, many in a row,
Draw sundry fan art gifs, and hide our woe
In cheerful comments written with a sigh,
When haikus fail.
If forum posts are still not running low,
Is it because, deep down, we simply know
That Moe, for all his dumbness, cannot die?
We hold out hoping, yet we know not why:
And therefore, friends, I offer this rondeau,
When haikus fail.
Silent Fan, I want to echo what you were saying. I rarely if ever comment on here, but I frequently F5 with a hope that will not fade. Admiral, you have more followers than I can count on 2 severed hands.
I slow clap, Officer
What rhythm Moe will never know.
So long; it’s often shortened
To just “L10n”.
I’d like to propose
The same treatment for “Firman”:
A fitting reminder;
With each keystroke, a tribute:
F5 to reload.
F5 is the Moe L10n?
Pronounced Lion, yes.
slowly working towards the magical 450th comment on the 450th comic
Oh, now that will be
A sight unseen for Moe’nths
GLORY GLORY TO LORD FIRMAN. GLORY GLORY TO LORD FIRMAN. GLORY GLORY TO LORD FIRMAN. LORD FIRMAN MARCHES ON
Another day, another word for our Admiral.
Advance to 450. Who will steal, win, acquire the top spot?
An infinite well:
Our tragic hero arrives,
“Who drank every drop?”
(Is this comment high enough? Hai!)
We must push onwards -
450 won’t post itself.
We race viciously.
Not too viciously -
If we sabotage ourselves,
No one can triumph.
Let us charge forth unhinder’d;
Success will be had!
TALLY HO. PIP PIP. POST HASTE. onwards gents to claim the might prize
A strategy most reserved, that is the only sort that shall suit!
Shall we sneak? Or stand? Or walk on our hands?
Forwards we go, united together by Moe
Or shall you lurk and snipe when the moment is right? Decisions, decisions.
i for one am all for the fun of an all out fisticuffs bout. winner takes all
Another drop in the ocean.
I am stricken by the notion
If Moe stayed in bed this long
(Of course I might just be wrong…),
He’ll need some calamine lotion.
Fisticuffs are not that fun!
A bap to the head is a nasty stun.
I’m frankly no good,
so prehaps I should
Simply go purchase a gun?
(Random thought, what if the Admiral sails away with 450?)
(Which one of us will compose his lyrical diddy?)
(Is that even a word?)
(How patently absurd.)
(I know rhyme not hello kitty)
but dent bringing a gun
to a fight is no fun
i’d rather instead
a strike to the head
then a bullet i cannot outrun
That sounds like the most reasonable means to address that problem, Dent, but I can only fully endorse your course of action…
As long as the gun
Does no damage to your face.
(You’ll poke your eye out!)
You know what? I’ll just let you buy your gun and just take pictures when the inevitable happens.
Oh, hello Omi.
Greetings to you, too, Haiku
I did not see you.
All haikus should rhyme
The hipsters call it rhyme time.
Is that a black mime?
Shall it be a curse of reason?
To think, now, of the Feast of Saint Patrick?
Abandon ye the haiku! ‘Tis the season
of the limerick!
I’ve been trying to convince my wife to have another baby so we can get another Moe comic.
What lyrical brilliance
under the surveillance
of the Admiral.
You all deserve some mints.
(I know, I know.. my meter is all off. I’m just not feeling it today)
Former Best Pie grunt
Has a Happy Pi Day stunt:
“Eat more pie, you *&$%.”
That last line may be why the first line said ‘former’.
only 10 more comments to go. we band of brothers shall push ever onwards.
There once was a comic named Moe
And in it, a brother named Bo
We’ve been waiting for months
Rhyming on all fronts
Just hoping the Admiral would show.
No harm to Mr. Firman intended! We just loves us some Moe.
Heh heh, we should really start having some Moe related holidays. For example, how would Moe celebrate Saint Patricks? Spoiler: I imagine a great deal of vomiting.
Moeseph will be
St. Patrick’s Day?
Moeseph P. Dope
And brother Bo
With green party hats!
my st patricks day was celebrated the traditional irish way, alone, with a bottle of whiskey, listening to the pogues and christy moore. irish heritage shines through. has moe got any irish blood in him?
I think Moe has had Irish blood -on- him. Considering how easily Moe insults others.
Did I say insult? I meant influence.
Wait, no. I meant insult.
Post four fifty!
With meter to match!
Make more comics, dumbbutt.
Forgive him, Admiral! Smite Darren not!
26 1/2 hours that the post 450 slot was available before being taken. We are clearly `Moe’ch too chivalrous for our own good. Congratulations, Palindr`moe’!
not darren where do you get off MATE?!?
I’m glad Palindr’moe’ got the magical ’450′. I didn’t have anything *NEARLY* clever enough to occupy such an honorable comment slot.
BTW, Not Darren appears to be a friend of Firman (see http://www.darrencalvert.com/links.htm ) Maybe it’s some friendly banter to prod the Admiral into action? If so, I say “double dumb butt”!
Here’s a new goal:
Let’s work to achieve
Comment five seven five!
A fine goal, Pal-moe!
Five seven five, perfect, yes!
Now friends needed here.
Five starts and ends,
Seven in between:
Thusly are great poems conformed.
in light of this news DUMB BUTTS AHOY
comment 5 7 5 shall not be mine as alas my skill in the haiku is sorely lacking. but i am confident that you, my brethren have the strength within you to muster up the mightest haiku the world has ever seen.
Omi, comment 5 7 5 doesn’t need to be a haiku. It just needs to happen. This is what is most important. Almost as important as figuring out what our -next- goal will be. Did we ever reach comment 1000? Or reverse haiku of 7 5 7?
Should comment count
Should comment count
I’ll side with no:
I can’t do that many
oh lordy it be anarchy in the streets
757 isn’t going to post itself, guys.
ONWARDS FIRMAN’S SOOOOoooOOooLDIERS MARCHING OUT TO WAAAARR.
(sing along)sometiiiimes i feel ive got to bah bah
Moe’s singin’ by now, too…
“This is it, boys, this is war – what are we waiting for?
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype! Save that for the black and white
Try twice as hard and I’m half as liked, But here they come again to jack my style…
That’s all right. I found a peestain in my bed tonight.
Stops my bones from wonderin’, just who I am, who I am.
Well, some nights I wish that this would all end,
Cuz I could use some friends for a change.
And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again,
But some nights I always win.
But I read these posts,
And I renew my hope
Oh Lord, I am more sure
What I stand for–
What do I stand for?
What do I stand for?
(may Nate Ruess forgive, but everytime I hear that song, I think of all the Moe’s of the world)
I have no idea what either of you are singing, but if you don’t mind some offkey “la-da-li-lala-dah” chiming in, I’ll gladly sing along.
You will go and listen to the band Fun. (the period is part of the name), -now-.
nimz i was singing tainted love
Moe Halloween….what would Moe wear? A sheet with too many eyes has been done. Would Moe just go for a paper sack and call himself king?
I can get behind
A Tainted Love sing-a-long.
I’ve heard Fun. before.
Or rather, one song
(I think it is We Are Young)
gets overplayed here.
Anyway, here’s my contribution to the singing:
When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the sheets,
When evening falls so hard,
I will comfort you.
As spring approaches
I continue reading Moe
into a new year.
Carp, it being spring, does this mean you migrate back to your native waters to repopulate or am I still thinking Salmon?
Ya, Carp! CARP-e diem and Moe’grate back to your native waters already!!
Those pee stains are almost 6 months old. Come on, Moe! Just clean the mattress already!
Burn the mattress.
Those stains will be a heck of a lot harder to clean out now than they were then. Incendiary measures may be the best way to deal with it now. Moe, you need to find a pyro woman to be romantically involved with you.
(“burn the mattress” rearranged)
It’s March 29th again! You know what that means~
Happy birthday, Michael Firman! Hope you have another good one!
I thought his birthday was May 4th! Am I wrong?
Doram you are entirely correct. I was, and am annually re-, born on the fourth of May. Don’t listen to the Illuminati’s plot to make the date of my special occasion ambiguous.
Thanks again for your patience everyone!
It is somewhat timely, though, seeing as we were just talking about burning things. Happy UNbirthday, Admiral Firman!
My friends, we need a Moe pinata and we need that pinata by May.
A Moe pinata…
No foie gras and wine, only
Moe bashing and sweets!
A Moe effigy,
But not the kind that you burn:
Let’s play Whack-a-Moe!
Pardon my absence, gentlemen. I have been away in the mist-enshrouded land of Missouri. They sell hard liquor in the gas stations there. Never have I known such fabled lands.
Fren, I hear this is also the land of 10,001 lakes. Perhaps this is where they receive such a great deal of alcohol.
If the uttered words of our sages are to be believed, Minnesota is the land of many lakes. Missouri is the land of one American cultural hero, this Tom Sawyer I’ve read so much about. They also serve a great deal of chicken fried steak, I believe this to be a local delicacy. Yet still, friends, imagine it: in one stop, you can refuel your conveyance, procure tobacco, beer, bourbon AND a sandwich. Truly, this is God’s own design.
they should make tobacco beer bourbon one item. it would be my favourite. the sandwich comes on the side.
No, friend. If such things were allowed, humanity would descend further into being the most lazy race. We’d be contending with cats and sloths at that juncture.
Whoa whoa whoa, Fren.
Cats are a universally accepted as clumsy asshole ninjas and sloths go with any suit, jungle, or urban environment. I think Omi is on to something. Perhaps Moe ordered one of these tob-beer-bons and is simply waiting for it to arrive.
Though your assessments of such animals are realistic, know ye this: cats spend many, many hours of each day sleeping. That is plain lazy. And sloths? They hardly move at all. Give them a couch and a remote control and they’d likely starve to death.
Moe, however, is simply a Zen master. He has no wants. He is free from desire. Understanding the true nature of beds, he knows that such fickle works would only be undone, in the end.
Carp and Nimz and Fren:
Procurers of perfect numbers
In this comment thread.
(6, 28, 496)
Fren, you must know I liked your joke about sloths so much I shared it at work. Repeatedly.
Steady yourselves, ye gentles. The next man to step up secures the coveted half-a-thousand ‘pon this thread. Bask in this glory!
One, one, one, one, one
Zero, one, zero, zero!
(Moe loves binary.)
that comment about moe being a zen master struck a cord. moe is the most dude-ish guy ever, aside from the great dude himself.
One, zero, zero,
One until that many ones
In the binary.
That means just ten more
Comments will take us up to
Ten bits, or something.
hey guys has moe updated yet
Everyday, Muke. Everyday. In our hearts.
Moe updates several times daily, with our thoughts and brief communiques. The Admiral only swings through port nigh a few times yearly, as his heart belongs to the sea. We merely line the shore and await his return.
keeping the dock side wenches warm and the ale flagons full until he sails in once more
This comic could probably be made into a `Moe’ntage. Every panel would be Moe in his bed, with a variety of poses and levels of lighting. There are probably better `Moe’ntage ideas, but that one could work.
Haiku’s don’t happen.
We must force the issue, Friends.
Much like our dreams here.
(In Japanese that would be
much longer than five.)
Time to celebrate!
When lauding large, round numbers
You can’t beat base 2!
We’re so close to 575! Well, not really, but it helps to keep going a little further.
we are closer to it than we are away dear Haiku
A matter of just
10* away… if in
* read: one zero
Look, arbitrary numbers.
To seek them: folly.
Epsilon greater than nought…
Pointless? Perhaps so.
But conversation is sought…
Muke! That is awesome and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter!
Good bye Moe. I presume you’ve died and I removed you from my bookmarks toolbar to make place for thegamercat.com
butter_milch, for why?
Patience is a virtue, Sir
You will be back, Milch.
Each day I return
in hopes of new Moe, also
to read the comments.
Fanart will have to
suffice for now, good sir Muke
provides the latest.
Another day, a
new facet of this comic
observed. Endless wealth.
Moe rests, but is not rested;
Slumber tantalising daily, hourly, minutely, by the second.
Annoyances plague the mind.
‘Elliot, though I wait, I am not a waiter. I don’t need your tips!’
Why does Moe wait?
Romantic interests do not simply fall from the sky;
Make your destiny, Moe!
Oh yes, he shall marinate and contemplate the meaning of existence. The banality of it all. This comic is the stuff that a master’s thesis in psychology is made of.
just realised it has been more than 7 months since an update and at times i find myself hoping the update never comes because this comment thread is great. but then i realise how much i love reading moe and i have to chastise myself.HOW DO YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN TWO THINGS YOU LOVE??
Seven months, you say?
Maybe Moe has been working…
At bringing new life.
Two more months to wait
To see if this is a real
Omi, I believe that the fine folks that produce Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have proven that sometimes you haven’t got to choose. Ponder that.
oh man i forgot about reese’s. fren thank you. you have ended my torment and need for tasty snacks. top stuff
We need to get that Moe fan site up. I will totally host.
For all the times that we post the name Moe, I have to wonder if anime search engines bring folks here.
Admiral, when can we say to you “Shut up and take my money” for an actual physical printed book of Moe comics?
to shutting up and taking
Money is talking…
… so as soon as Admiral Firman starts talking about making physical merch, like a book, I suppose.
I’ve talked briefly to the Admiral about such a thing and he has politely declined at current. This doesn’t mean his opinions haven’t changed, or that I’m a liar, but I think we’ll have to wait a little longer.
I think that we should make bootleg Moe merch, and then send the profits to Admiral Firman, WHETHER HE LIKES IT OR NOT
I’ve been getting some increased pressure to make a book lately, which I reckon means demand is increasing?! So maybe it will actually be feasible to recover costs with a printing.
Moe should be resumed before any kind of book launch though. And I’m still ultra-embarrassed by a lot of the old strips. Personally I’d prefer to release a “Best of” collection wherein I select my favourites, rather than an exhaustive series that tours the entire comic. But some of you might disagree!
I’ve thanked you awesome people for sticking by me before – to repeat it after so long would cast doubt on its sincerity. I have to demonstrate this gratitude in the form of some damn comics. Now that the number of visitors on the site has dwindled to a tenth of its prior average, some of the performance anxiety may actually be lessened!
the good admiral has returned to port, welcome home on another note bootleg moe merch would be dope as fuck.
In order to see more Moe
We need to look less.
Do what makes you most comfortable, Herr Admiral. On one hand, your refinement of the form has proceeded remarkably from the early days. Yet, on another, nobody will recognize the heights you’ve attained without staring deep into the abyss of your earlier works. For a fine example of another artist that began humbly and truly broke out down the line, check out String Theory. No need to be embarrassed. It happens to be the way things work, is all. Over time, with practice, you improve and refine.
No idea I have,
What friend Fren said here today.
But it sounds good.
This silence. Ugly.
Like the quiet rest of Moe.
Flip the mattress. Please.
Thus saith Moe Dope,
“I will not flip the mattress!”
The pee stains remain.
Is that like Also Sprach `Moe’athustra?
Message, to Haiku:
Words of encouragement for
Not yet, but it looms closer.
(Five more syllables)
(syllables = days to go?)
Now I also bid
My dearest Admiral luck –
With good assurance.
Any form of print,
Be it full compilation
Or simply best-of;
I shall go purchase
Without a delay nor pause -
(Bad ones are still great!)
Glad to hear you’re well!
Hope you’re getting lots of work;
No rush for comics.
Would surely be a must-buy
No matter the price
i have already sold my first born to start my moe merch slush fund
You should hold on to your first born. I hear they appreciate in value… at least until the teenage years!
Then teen depreciation
Until they mature.
Firstborn for mo’ Moe?
Sounds like a bargain to me,
but I have no kids
neither, at least not anymore, now I’ve just got all this sweet dough ray me floatin round. and a very cranky wife. apparently the baby “WASN’T” for trading. first I ever heard of it.
Might well be that you’ll need to trade the wife and baby as a set. This should help to soften the blow of post-natal separation.
Can someone please tell me why there are Haiku poems in half the comments on the entire website?
Because, a haiku
Faerie comes in the night and
There’s nothing we can do.
I have oft wondered
at that mystery, myself.
The real question is:
How can we refer to you
In a haiku, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ?
Is it now the time?
You’re the man now, dog!
(If it doesn’t appear to post this time, I give up.)
So it worked that time.
I tried to add title text.
Seems I can’t do that.
That website appears to be blocked on my school internet
You beat me to it!
Happy Birthday to Firman
May the 4th be with …
– as a side note, we’re almost up to comment 575!!
That link is the one
Posted too early
Plays while a colourful gif
Of Moeseph rocks out.
Here is a copy
Of the gif that’s repeated
To cover the screen.
Is now the official name.
Thank you again, my friends.
But beware the false.
Revenge of the Sixth. Monday.
Sail safe, Admiral
Another month ends.
I come back to check on Moe.
Guess I came too soon.
None too soon at all!
with your fellow fans!
Six syllables go here.
Start the countdown to five-seven-five.
We are so close now.
The tension is rising. Hot.
Temperature of Moe.
Who has yet prepared
For that spot? My prep has been
Naught. Cipher. Empty.
Void. Null. Vanity. Nada.
Nil. Goose-egg. Zero.
I am also not.
Prepared that is. Plan ahead?
That is not Moe. No.
Some come seeking Moe.
I came for five-seven-five,
Now I wait.
You have naught to wait.
Five-seven-five is posted
here every day!
(haiku structure? Yuss. May we save post 575 for Haiku him/herself)
(Fren, thank you for the deep compliment. I am not as good at poetry as some of you, so forgive my attempt if it hurts too deeply. The works you, my friends, have shown before have inspired me to compose with careful deliberation. Congratulations on 575. Let’s now make it to reverse haiku, 757)
(Agh, rereading this I can definitely see some mistakes I made in my syntax. Again, forgiveness, poetry is probably one of my weakest skills – right up there with piano juggling. Next time will be better)
Thank you, my good friends.
Your patience, I needed it.
There once was a man.
No, a captain. Who sailed away
with Moe and a plan.
Travel away, he did,
Across the internet sway.
Doubt, fear, he forbid.
Time passed and beards grew,
Lord Duke of all he purvey,
Admiral made true.
Now Lord Commander,
Firman brought the world’s umbrae,
Moe, the white anchor.
Across the wide world,
From whitest Canada clay,
to Australia furled,
Of Texas down south,
Plus the Martians estray,
Loyal through all drought.
They wait patiently.
For, He will return some day.
From sea to aerie.
Moe will never die.
His image our ships forestay,
Moe knows no goodbye.
Ah, ’tis a thing beaut:
Haiku’s amazing tribute;
No soul can dispute.
Nay, this May display:
A delay repaid. Hooray!
Tres bien, I say.
holy shit you have no idea how hard it was not commenting, but it was so very worth it. godbless you Haiku you glorious son of a bitch, truly the great firman lay his guiding hand upon thee when you crafted this poem
Happy `Moe’ther’s Day!
It was weird to sit around silently, but worth it. Nice job, Haiku.
And thus, the ultimate lesson, buried deep within the very pixels of Moe:
Those with patience garner the best rewards.
Slow clap for Haiku
Extremely well done, my friend!
Best . Haikus . Ever .
In honor of Star Trek Into Darkness, I posit that if Moe were in the Star Trek universe, he would be a Pakled or a Zakdorn. Perhaps a low-IQ Ferengi.
My great response lost.
Written on a piece of card.
Moe, I am sleepy.
Let someone else have a chance
To snuggle in bed!
Really, in that bed?
I don’t mind my own urine,
My sleep-deprived brain
Forgot the perils yonder.
Thanks for protecting!
Wow! Awesome 5-7-5 post, Haiku!
Thank you, t1m! It was…
It was hard, could be better.
But 7-5-7 awaits.
Moe still lies dormant.
Me’Moe’rial Day Weekend
Happy grilling, all!
Soliloquy sagely of
Moe may make his world,
But it is a stretch to say
He is one of these.
Would be nice if firman posted about whats going on.
The Admiral is.
And after is, silence reigns.
Ask and he hears you.
But answer? He does.
Admiral Firman sails far.
He replies by bottle.
Is a fickle thing, Monu
Join patience with us.
The bedridden Moe
Has found his calling.
Elliot calls him,
“There is so much more to life
Than doing nothing!”
The purpose of Moe
is Humility, Patience.
Learn ye these lessons.
Patience= For the weak.
Well, that is somewhat untrue.
Doctors need them too.
Rather than patience,
Some doctors have Tardises.
Haikus about Moe,
To pass the time in between,
What am I doing?
A question appears,
Proceeding from the answer:
You make Moe haikus!
Makes a comic with zombies
And Firman shows up.
The weekend is here.
What will everyone do now?
Moe firmly in bed.
One has to wonder…
Enough time has passed for birth
From conception now.
Did raw fish and rice
Prevent our procreation
I return to find I missed the 600 milestone. moe still sits in his pee stains after the usual birthing period has passed
one must wonder if maybe he likes the smell
I wonder if Moe can smell any longer. Or, if Moe has now -become- the smell.
The smell of urine,
Mingled with perspiration;
The cologne of Moe.
Or is that ammonium?
Moe as a fuller?
Haikus, I must admit,
Are much more fun than I thought,
Mainly Moe Haikus.
609? What the…
I swear I posted before.
I’ll take six-one-one.
Raw fish and rice …. and urine?
New scent: Eau de Meaux
So I found site,
really cheap 3d printing.
So I am thinking:
3D Moe’s head bust?
tiny Moe desk figurine?
Firman will decide.
I first read that ‘bust’
As if it were ‘butt’ instead.
Print raw fish and rice?
This is the future!
What shall with this new
“Moe butts” Our slogan.
Double entendre, yes no?
I’ll buy a million.
Get your genuine “Moe butts”
For best butts results.
My butt is special.
Make it an alarm clock, please.
Morning? Tap that ass.
Truly, a master;
Haiku excels at the form
From which he is named.
(What I’m trying to say is: that last haiku was glorious, Haiku)
that truly was something special. thank you Haiku
Thank you both, but I’m afraid those jokes were stolen a bit from our Admiral’s friend – Andrew Hussie. (Hope I spelled that properly). The “game” Problem Sleuth has a sub-game the characters play called “Hunk Rump” which is very similar to Magic in the fact it is played with cards and primarily focuses on bronzed asses. I can’t seem to get a proper link yet, but I will add one soon.
Haiku, is it possibly this to which you were referring?
Well the only part that your haiku, Haiku, seems to have in common with the MSPA thing is “tap that ass”, which, to the best of my knowledge, isn’t a particularly uncommon phrase.
And thus, with the addition of the (presumably original) alarm clock preface, I deem this joke not to have been stolen.
By the ruling of
One Ton, judge of matters ass,
Tapped joke not stolen.
“Good Artists Borrow, Great Artists Steal”
– quote stolen from some dead guy
I’m just wondering…
What would be the kind of sound
A Butt-Alarm might make?
And what about Buttons?
I Assume there should be some.
Are they at the Rear?
Butt jokes: Not that hard
To fit them in a haiku
With raw fish and rice.
as my travels pass by Moe
I walk on again
Moe has visitors
Checking from lands far and wide.
He has got the groove.
Comments trickle in.
Is there a leaky faucet?
Or Moe’s drip torture?
If it’s the latter,
The cause of the urine stains
Is no mystery.
perhaps the urine stains ARE the drip torture. he is unable to get a full flow going as a result of his misshapen prostate which has been warped by all his bed laying. now he can only suffer through the torture of dripping willy.
Omi, that comment is priceless…
In that I would pay any price to not have that mental image stuck in my head.
Torture commutes to our friends
Doramjan et al.
Just, yanno … pretend the table is a mattress …
What an interesting end to a story. Some closure would have been nice, but whatever.
It’s not `Moe’ver yet.
As long as there are comments,
Moe will never end!
Or something like that.
I yet hold out hope for `Moe’r.
Just a hiatus.
Admiral Firman -
Now on a naval voyage -
Won’t come h`Moe’me empty.
And so, jonny, h`Moe’pe:
The last word is not written;
No fat lady sang.
Also, raw fish and rice.
“Raw fish and rice” rearranged:
“Raw fish and Eric”!
You deserve mad props
For the anagram haiku.
Sometimes I wonder.
I just want to know…
Does Eric like sushi, or
Is he the next course?
I don’t feel guilty
Whenever I eat my rice,
But what of Eric?
Does he feel the guilt
When he eats all of my rice,
Leaving him and fish?
I will ponder this
As I, like Moe, eat breakfast
While still in a bed.
Life so busy.
Even the haiku is totally wrong.
640 comments out to be enough for anyone.
640 comments ought to be enough for anyone.
Truly said… unless…
I mean, if you wanted, like,
Over nine thousand…
Like drops in buckets,
Haikus approach late record:
If, in the forest,
A haiku falls, the question:
What is the cadence?
No pun intended,
But there is one with `cadence’
According to Mac.
There’s nought here but urine stains,
And raw fish and grains.
Inspiring thoughts wax
As I read comments like stacks
Of raw fish and flax?
I’ve now said it twice:
For inspiration that’s nice,
Eat raw fish and rice!
I don’t like sushi
Said no one, in comments here
Never ever ever ever.
Haiku lines are three:
Goes with rice, not pee.
All this talk of raw fish and rice reminds me of my plan to open a
Mexican-Japanese-Portuguese fusion restaurant.
There would only be one item on the menu:
Taco tako taco salad.
(That’s a crispy-fried tortilla bowl filled with shredded lettuce
and bits of octopus and golf club. Yum!)
palindr’moe, that honestly does sound delicious, sans the golf club bit which has thrown me.
I would be your best customer.
Swing by la fonda
De Palindr‘moe’ for the
Best ta(ckc)o salad!
(I’m pronouncing your name with four syllables for that: Pal-in-dr-‘moe’. I’m not entirely sure if it should be (par) four or three.)
Moe has not the guts
To eat raw fish and rice:
He has no stomach.
A vigil is set.
Moe will not leave his (bed) post
Until it is done.
Restaurants that baffle the
palate should all die.
(Though I laughed heartily at your concept, Palindr’moe. “Taco de golf”, golf club in Brazillian Portuguese, makes me lol even more.)
Sushi is alright.
It might be overrated.
Se bon appétit.
Coming soon to theatres:
One Dope Stays In Bed.
Can’t wait for sequel.
“Getting Up, For Moe, Too Dope.”
It’s a play on words.
Either that title
Or, “`Moe’lectric Boogaloo”
Would fit the sequel.
Or “Moe’bius Strip”
if ever Moe were to rise
and change the bedclothes.
I would see all of these films. Even if they were just animated shorts of no more than thirty seconds. GIF format would also be acceptable.
Well I finally caught up and there is still no more Moe, which admittedly makes me a little sad. I was kind of hoping that my eventual catching up would coincide directly with Firman adding a new comic. Alas, I seem to be mistaken. In any case, thank you all for making such wonderfully entertaining comics. I almost felt like I was waiting along with all of you as I read them, and I suppose now I will be waiting along with all of you.
Drat…the actual waiting part isn’t nearly as fun, because now I need to wait for comments in addition to waiting for comics!
His soul has such stain,
Old Scratch does not even deign
To drive Moe insane.
Wait wait wait, it has not been this long has it? Arrrrrrrg.
Okay I have to stay afloat on some commissions but otherwise… Moe needs a future.
Do what you must do.
What is ten `Moe’nths between friends?
We’ll be here for you.
Firman speaks in code,
Admiral’s naval peril:
Firman, zen master,
Provokes great doubt with comment,
The nautical implications are clear enough with “stay afloat”,
reference to “commissions” (clearly the naval commission of his
admiralty), and the piratical “Arrrrrrrg.” referred to above.
But meditation reveals further depth in our master’s kōan-comment.
The triplet “wait wait wait” is easily seen as a plea for
patience. But, further, its immediate placement after Nimz’ beastly
haiku begs a numerical interpretation, and that through rhyme with
mail-order telephone numbers everywhere.
Obviously, Firman is encouraging patience on our part, while at the
same time telling us that our previous goal of achieving the
reverse-haiku comment count of 757 is not nearly high enough.
The end of all things awaits,
New goal: triple-eight!
And eights, remember, are symbols of infinity, representative of our infinite faith.
The gauntlet is thrown.
Let us pick it up as one.
Never. Stop. Moe. Moe’ver.
(if we assume Moe’ver is two words/syllables, which I’m going to use the legal council of Palindr’moe’ to say this is true)
In haiku form, took over
On a birthday card.
I printed a card
I drew up in Photoshop
With haiku cover.
Unaware the stanza’s form,
Still thought it was nice.
My excitement peaks!
Firman returns, and with news
A future for Moe
Oh Moe’ther where art thou?
Gone ten months – my strength nigh sapped.
Pee scent overwhelms.
Never have I done well
in a room full of pee smell
Someone, crack a window!
And alas, dear Admiral, the future of beloved Moe was never in doubt. Though merry fools be we, faith is kept that surely someday Moe shall stir and rise from his urine-soaked tomb. And, even were it never to happen, we shall remain in vigil. This is our custom, a people defined by scattershot haiku and ephemeral loyalties to another character we’ve created. This has become greater than any of us.
Wise words, Dear Friend Fren
What shall we call ourselves here?
Order of Moe’sph?
The Knights Who See Moe?
(Keepers of the sacred rice,
Raw fish, and haikus?)
Personally, I prefer the Knights who See Moe, but I am not presumptuous enough to think that I will be initiated into such an order right away. Also, part of me almost just wants to see another comic of Moe lying in bed. Even more so though, I want to see the comic that was talked about but then never revealed.
The comic which can be discerned is not the true comic.
Not entirely sure what point you are trying to make Fren. I was referring to the comic that Firman talked about releasing around thanksgiving of last year, but then never did. I am very curious about said comic, especially because it was supposed to have quite a lot of characters in it.
Like Plato’s prisoners,
We see not Moe, but mere shadow,
This website, our cave wall;
Our comments, ignorance and myth,
There is but one who sees.
There is but one who can teach us,
Thus, The Knights Who See Moe,
An order consisting of one,
The Admiral alone,
Has the vantage we lack; speaks truth,
Who has courage to stand?
Who dares behold the brilliant Form:
Moe P. Dope?
My vote is also The Knights Who See Moe. Which means we need a banner, or a flag, or a banner flag. And we need this before 888. Which means we need it now.
Thanks, Palindr‘moe’. I wasn’t sure if Fren was getting all metaphysical, or if he was implying some sort of hierarchy of Moe comics in which the ‘unseen’ comics are superior to the ‘seen’ comics, meaning that asking to see this unreleased comic would in essence be asking for a degradation of all things Moe.
For the record, I definitely prefer your Platonian reading…
About those shadows -
He is sometimes among us,
The one who casts them.
The Knight Who Sees Moe -
Can he teach us of the light
By molding shadows?
This part is not haiku,
Nor does it tie into the plot -
I see what you did there, Pal.
I am out of town until after the weekend but in this time I’m going to write the next strip, which has been the real hurdle.
Increase the writing pressure
Time to move forward
The idea for what comes next has transformed from what I first expected, but I’m still planning it to be a larger, several row strip. I can’t believe how faithful and tolerant you excellent fans have been. It should be rewarded!
Light from the heavens!
By which I mean Canada.
Trust me, it’s awesome.
From heaven? Maybe.
Canada? Very likely.
Both are called “Up North*”.
* from a USA-centric viewpoint
Hope springs once again.
The light at the tunnel’s end.
Keep your fingers crossed.
Weekend muses must
Whisper and inspire our own
Firman has survived!
Zombie attack fended off –
New energy gained.
You may beknight yourselves, should you wish. Even amongst such gentle and wise company, each stands his vigil alone.
And yes, the comic which can be seen is not truly the comic, as it must be interpreted by each viewer to have meaning, and said meaning holds true for that individual. In this, we come to know the creator’s intent as well as our own.
And, since I’m off waxing philosophic, here is another koan:
If you meet Firman on the path, buy him lunch.
Sorry, Fren. I understand entirely what you are saying now; I suppose my problem initially was that I saw it as some sort of response to what I said instead of a more general comment.
Firman, I have a small idea of what you mean by the increased writing pressure because of the hiatus, so thank you for braving that for us!
Another day here
Brings us closer to four score
And Eight hundred eight.
As we reach onward,
Pivotal question remains:
Who will make the flag?
oh where did Moe-love go?
here i made this thing
Just back-read some a few.
Firman, hiatus, new strip?
a very long one? great!
That looks unpleasant,
Yet Moe’s visage of ennui…
Is Ryu just twelve?
56 comments to go till reverse haiku my friends. I hope we are all wearing our comfy pee-proof pants and mattress protector shirt.
I count fifty-five.
Funny, i am just one off.
oh wait, count this one.
A new industry is built -
“I’ll buy ten of them!”
Said the savvy consumer.
“They make great presents.”
A new line of shirts -
That was also created.
How did I forget?
these hard to remove,
hopefully it’s waterproof.
Don’t want it to leak.
Does it breath? He asks.
If I do sweat, will it stick?
Give me twenty, please.
hmm, cash for answers.
should i feed this money cow?
Lemme think: seems legit.
Woe is me tonight.
My trousers got a new hole.
Now I moon, though clad.
I think I will buy
A pair of trousers that can
Resist pee and rips.
Simply stitch the hole!
Sew around the gap and then
across to close it up.
Nimz! You have now chaps!
Like mighty cowboy on plains.
Ride onward, trend setter!
have they ripped? well, yes.
think of it as an upgrade.
easy feces pants.
Thanks for the perspective, friends. I doubt these trousers are pee-proofed now (if they ever were), but I can still be on the cutting edge of fashion! (tearing edge?)
You know, this reminds me of an episode of Duck Tales, in which Bubba Duck is searching for Scrooge McDuck in the time machine, and winds up breaking off the nose of the sphinx:
“After years and years of work, my sphinx is finally finished!”
“MY SPHINX! It’s ruined! Ruined! Rui…
… Actually, I kinda like it.”
Search for a clip: vain.
I found the episode name:
Ali Bubba’s Cave.
Searching for a clip
usually ends with this fate:
oops, got distracted.
Computer turns on
Will it be today?
Alas, nothing new
the time is not right, not yet
Meh, we must post more.
Our goal is not yet reached-ed.
The Infinite Eight.
The reverse haiku
Is just two-score away now.
A lesser goal: met.
I speak of the comment count on the last Moe before this one showed up. That was Reverse Minus Forty… though it did get a few extra posts post the pee-stained Moe post. So we have just a few more to go to make this the longest comment thread.
Pile them ever skyward and we shall erect a monument of words, a figurative Tower of Babble.
Babble babble yar
and sarah palin
Haiku, is coming to you,
Who takes the honor?
(By which I was trying to say, “we’re nearly to the reverse haiku.” Who wants the honor? Although -now- I’m thinking about a mirror haiku universe. Where all of our haiku’s are filled with flaming trolls and hatred for a reverse Admiral (in this case General) who hates us in return)
(And, following this logic, the General would be from South America. Say, Chile?)
In each mirror universe
Characters must have
A smashing evil goatee
What does evil, goatee Moe look like?
Just like a `Moe’tee?
No, wait. That’s a T-shirt Moe.
That might be nice, too.
On a less metred note, this might make a good base for evil mod Moe.
Zero point zero:
is it greater than zero?
Mirror Moeseph Dope,
named “Epod Hpeseom”.
Too tough on the tongue?
I reckon Reverse
Aspirate on the second
letter of surname.
It fits the `Moe’tif.
My tongue can wrap around it,
if but awkwardly.
False is flat zero.
FC’s infinitely false,
So it must be true.
Our appeal is
“Infinite zero is not” -
Unless I misheard.
If FA says ‘naught’, not ‘not’,
Firman’s C. is not.
Egads, there hasn’t been a new comment in days. I think you have left us all feeling confounded Nimz, well at least there was some momentary flustered sensations after reading those haikus….hmmm I’m not sure if that is the proper plural. Well, have we decided who is taking the coveted reverse haiku spot?
For the record, my vote is for haiku. It is only fitting, being that we don’t have a ukiah.
Haiku got 5-7-5.
I say whoever.
Epod’s middle name:
Can we say it’s “Nootnop” yet,
Or still too early?
I agree with Nimz.
This is for all of us here.
Even our mirror selves.
(Nootnop. Pontoon? Heh heh heh…I didn’t get that until I absolutely typed out every piece of it. I also believe that Mirror Moe would definitely be known as Epod instead of Hpeseom – at least when speaking with a familiar tone. In the mirror universe, I see them using last names as first names and vice versa. So -their- “Moe” is from the House of Hpeseom, but he’s known as Epod)
(-Speaking of which-, and padding the comments, What about the mirror universe’s (trying sound that out loud) Bo? Or Rocketpack Hunk? There is a whole pile of dark characters to pull out)
I love the sound of Epod from the house of Hpeseom, and I forgot that Haiku got 575, so Palindr‘moe’ should definitely take 757.
Unless of course there is a vote for someone else to take it. We could get all democratic in here…
I only really brought it up because I wanted it to be officially decided, so we could look forward to that moment
As long as we’re voting, I’ll put my vote in for Palindr’moe’ to take 757.
As far as Haiku’s question about Jetpack Hunk, I think a worthy theory is that he is in fact mirror Moe—Epod, that is, seeing as how he’s pretty much Moe’s opposite in every way. He just hasn’t revealed himself as Epod of Hpeseom yet. Thoughts? Or maybe he’s mirror Uncle Joe?
I did a quickie edit to see what the goatee on Moe would look like, and came up with this as a rough sketch (I’m not very good ad drawing goatees). It could be cleaned up better, but I think it already gets the idea across fairly well, regarding Epod’s evilness.
That is a fine Epod, I must say.
One step closer to 757 and the mirror universe.
Comment 757 is to the Moe community what 2012 was to the Mayans. So much discussion and debate and amazing artist’s renderings of mirror universe characters! My vote is for Palindr’Moe’!
And like the Mayans, comment 757 is coming. Every day brings us (and them) a little bit closer.
(Unless the Mayan’s were actually talking about comment 757 and all of our translations of their language and culture were horribly, horribly wrong)
seven four seven
AKA mirror haiku
Alternatively, it is
The number for
A line of passenger airplanes.
Haiku, you are making me absolutely so excited for the coming of 757…We can only hope that at some point in time Firman grants us some sort of alternate universe comic.
I hope so too, Meh. But the Admiral does what the water’s will allow sometimes, and other times the Admiral makes his own waves. Comment 750! It has been stolen in non-poetic fashion. Only seven more, a universal week, who will fill the six and the last, the seven?
I will take seven five one.
I am so greedy.
I present a time series of our comments for this comic since September. It shows how many comments per day we have posted.
I think I see Batman in the middle of November.
Also, as you can see, the highest-posting day was when the Admiral posted the comic. The second highest-posting day was just a few days ago!
CHARTS! Hooray for charts!
Charts are one of the best parts.
Three farts for charts! …… wat?
Marking the passage of seven-five-four. Henceforth it shall arise nevermore.
And oh, seven-five-five, I shall muse: Whatever happened to Cinema Girl, that flooze?
Anticipation in the mix;
The next shall decide.
Mirror universe arrives;
Comics are reborn
As reflections of themselves.
Butt in rut? Turn it, tub!
Did I capitalize wrong?
Or is that normal?
This mirror world is so strange.
Left is right and right is left
in the mirror world,
wrong is right and right is wrong.
Capitalizing the left-
most letter is right in
the normal, non-mirror world,
so capitalizing the
right-most letter in
the mirror world must be wrong.
However, the right-most let-
ter in the mirror
world is in fact the left-most.
Fish and raw rice! The mirror
world is confusing!
Tread carefully. Remember:
objects in mirror
are closer than they appear!
Brothers, it is now our time.
Break the light mirror!
We must invade the weaker!
I hate this webcomic, and I don’t know why we all bother reading it all the time. I think we need to find this Firman character and make sure he never makes another comic ever again.
Taking down the General -
That would be a coup.
Maybe Nootnop could help out…
Cool new mirror names for all!
eoM, toilE, and oB
Mirror or normal? Sometimes
I can’t tell. Can’t I
Uh, karma again
Palindrome: A butt tuba
Burp a mottled unit. Baa!
Moe, Eliot, Bo
Bootee Limo (alternative line: “Elmo bootie”)
I found a passage while exploring this brave new world*:
seil-non on era ereht
ssalg gnikool eht ni
I can only assume ‘suoi’ is two syllables (su-oi) and ‘seil’ one syllable (sounds like ‘sail’ or ‘sale’). I am yet uncertain whether it is read from top to bottom or bottom to top. Some punctuation might have helped, alas.
*The phrase ‘brave new world’ is uttered during a chess game in The Tempest. And what does Alice participate in when she goes Through the Looking Glass? (Okay, I admit, that’s a bit of a stretch, but my brain thought it was an amusing connection beyond the simple double-entendre earlier in the line.)
I can see what you did there.
For metered anagrams
Reflect this universe as well.
Airy, decadent white house,
Drama from teenagers
Causes hellfire, inverts welt.
We must find the General.
Fight against this good.
Anyone bring the hammer?
Seaside Search Party report:
General not found.
Error 404 in boats.
It’s our lack of diligence
That is to be blamed:
General Protection Fault.
Pee stains immortal,
A constancy through all time –
This odd fellow speaks strange things -
`Your reign unending’?
And what a bizarre meter!
It’s obvious what to do.
Our General-finding quest.
I forgot what we will do
Once we find that guy…
I know it was important.
Our task: find The General!
How shall we find him?
I hope we find him funny.
I hope we find him armed.
This is not a reverse haiku.
I don’t even know what I’m doing.
Don’t look at me…
Look! I found The General,
Not only funny,
I found him hilarious.
I approve this message from both dimensions.
The General found,
Now may we turn ourselves ’round?
Our haikus are sound:
With an extra line be crowned!
Firman…we’re finished, you and I. I’m sorry. I’ve waited too long. I need a cartoonist that can commit. It’s just better if we go our separate ways. I’d like to say see you around but we both know that isn’t going to happen. Goodbye.
Nils you obviously aren’t a firm believer in the notebook. WRITE A LETTER EVERY DAY TILL ONE DAY WE CAN REUNITE. no commitment
Long couple of days
Waiting, hoping, that today
Would be the return
I don’t really have the knack for haikus…and I was really excited hoping that there would be something special here. I love seeing your constant commitment Omi. I think there is something beautiful about the fandom for Firman, and I am happy to be a part of it in the little way that I am. Gosh, I was really hoping the alternate universe would have more comics, though. Actually, if it did, they would be awful and filled with a very attractive and intelligent character that has absolutely no charisma. Hmmmm…I like this universe just fine, because Moe is perfect just the way he is.
Moe Fandom coaching:
Oni laying down the law.
Oops, sorry for misreading
your name, Omi. Ser-
iously, though, I feel like
we should throw some kind of par
-ty come September
4th. Prose becomes poetry
when shoehorned into mirror
haiku format: Ad-
vice for Meh for future posts.
Wait. A party? I’m all there!
I mean, the party.
Please ignore me. I’m not here.
Is there a critical mass of Moe fans in a single location to even HAVE a party? It should totally be a cosplay party. We *NEED* a cosplay Moe, Bo, Jetpack Hunk, and maybe that little devil guy!
Hey, what happened to my name? I think it wound up in one of those fun-house mirrors. o.O
If I had more time for arting, I would draw my rendition of a critical mass of Moe fans in a single location, in comic form. It would start with someone on a hot day, wishing for something to cool off with. That’s when they noticing a mound of (paper) fans. Printed on each of the fans is a picture of Moe with a word bubble. Each word bubble is a critique of some sort.
Needless to say, a party begins soon after.
The fans of paper that bear
A likeness of Moe
Have a critical party.
Grandpa Dope, not invited.
He showed, anyway,
Being quite a good critic.
Getting a tattoo of Moe
Is something I get,
(The lick-and-stick kind that is).
I can also understand
How many people
Have affection for paper.
Only one part leaves me lost:
Why are these inked-up
Paper lovers in a mound?
Twister game that’s gone awry?
Perhaps a flash mob
Impersonates candy bars?
Aye and aye, of all numbers to fear, that one is here. For the humble seven lives in terror no less than that of a scurrying field mouse that’s felt a hawk’s shadow as he gathered his grain on plains stretching for miles. What could threaten a nigh-insubstantial concept such as a number?
This inanity marks the passing of note seven-eight-nine.
(sorry lads, been horridly busy with projects at work and haven’t made the time to check in of late!)
Men overboard, aye
jumping ship they are, well fine
Hopeful crew remains.
Hark! 800 looms!
Weavers thread hope triumphant.
Splendid cloth of Moe.
(And I just have to remark: Admiral Firman has provided no fewer than 450 very fine comics. How many comics have each of us created? If he never created another comic, he has crossed the line into victory, and our respect. /salute)
Fans’ fans fan Fan’s fan fanny.
I think there was wind.
Fan had some sharp words for them.
Banners and flags to be sewn;
Hail, looming weavers!
The Cloth of Moe needs your help.
I’m not exaggerating,
Take up your cross. Stitch we me!
Gather your DMC floss.
But if you have none,
I’m sure dental floss will do.
How did I miss the mistake?
Where I said “we me”
I had meant to say “with me”.
Egad. Kill it. Kill it with fire.
Another day. Another post.
I cannot seem to escape -
How do I get back
To a regular mirror?
At first it was uncertain, but now it is getting much, much clearer:
There’s no high ranking military leader in the funhouse mirror.
I wonder how long we will be in reverse. What signifies the opposite? Still not a haiku, even lying down flat.
I have escaped the funhouse!
There are two signals
To unmirror, I reckon:
One would be the special post
That will occur at
Eight and forty-four score posts;
The alt. possibility
Would be when we reach
The first anniversary.
Can we manage to make them
Coincide? That needs
Some eleven posts per day.
Eleven posts / day?
I humbly contribute mine
We can do it, guys!
Yes! When is the time?
The anniversary time?
I mean the time date.
The anniversary date,
When this strip is 1,
Will be on 4 September.
If you want to time it out,
It ought to occur
Quite early in the morning.
Something is amiss.
Did I miss a memo here?
For zmiN, I have two theories:
One: The end is near.
Haikus start normalizing.
Two. Fun-house escape
Provides some inspiration
To break from constraints.
On our way to eleven,
I can do my part.
Personal quota fulfilled!
This universe is full of so many in different shapes.
I find my reflection altered by simple, mundane objects,
Here, for example, I see myself in both sides of my spoon.
Clouds pass by my mirror:
Shadows fuzzy become clearer.
We can see the end is drawing nearer.
We can write in novel structures,
We can begin anew,
We can restart.
Sorry, wrote that last haiku wrong.
Mirrors are funny things.
I wonder if they…see us?
I would be surprised if not.
If names mean aught, then
A looking glass ought to see.
What’s the limit? What is our goal?
The finite number.
Seven syllables, or so.
Looking glass purveys hours
Of fuzzy logic
Concave’s charming comeuppance.
Bend and twist, visual lies
They play on the mind.
Light’s stubborn impertinence.
(No, seriously, what’s our target number for the Anniversary of September 4th?)
Guys? Guys guys guys guys? And gals?
No one can hear me.
So many reflections – silent.
To quote myself here,
The following clarifies
The target number.
“One would be the special post
That will occur at
Eight and forty-four score posts.”
You may recall in July
We saw decoded
The words of the great Firman.
Eight and forty four score… that’s 888!
Looks like we’ve got work to do!
Eight hundred eighty-eight: numerical divinity.
Turn it on its side, now see triple infinity!
Turn it halfway round, it is 888 once more.
Cut in half it’s equal to four hundred forty-four.
Drat…we have quite a ways to go, and I am busy this week
I will offer up my two short comments in the hope that they will help us attain numerical divinity!
From the other side,
Let us both assault this limit.
Break these barriers down.
(I’m going to post the Kayne West poem)
(There’s got to be a way to make this poem for Moe or Bo, but I’m not very good at rhyme – haikus being a bit of a cheat – but there are many here much more talented than I. I declare a rhyming adventure!)
This is the tale of Kayne West, who is snuggled in his Kanye Nest, having himself a Kanye rest, for he must be at his Kanye Best, before he’s off on a Kanye Quest, where he’ll be put to the Kanye Test, in hopes to retrieve the Kanye Chest that is distinctly marked with the Kanye Crest, He shall return to the Kanye Nest, and have himself a Kanye Fest, where he will welcome many Kanye Guests, but first he must be rid of Kanye Pests, before he can put on his Kanye Vest and dance at the party with such Kanye Zest.
This is the best I’ve got for a 15 minute attempt.
This is the tale of Moseph Dope,
Whose bed was called the Moseph Grope,
Spawned the lazy Moseph Trope.
To seek romance is the Moseph Hope,
From the movies girl, “Moseph, Nope.”
To the insane dentist, “Moseph, Cope.”
When the Catholic Moseph Pope
Swore he got the Moseph Soap,
But that just made our Moseph Mope.
Returning to the Moseph Grope,
To dream again of Moseph Rope
He made good on the Moseph Trope.
The most-recent poetry
Gave me an idea:
We need more clerihews here!
Moeseph P. Dope,
On seeing a wee slope,
Bemoaned his fate,
“I can’t believe I’m late!“
A tour through Moe history
In clerihew form?
That sounds like a winning thought!
Wallowing in the subfusc
Of his shrink’s musk,
Moe said while under duress
One single ‘yes.’
Well, technically two.
Just the first one was alone;
The next ‘yes’ had friends.
Next we witness important,
Plot-stuff that still bears some weight.
Moe dodged a bullet
When he relenquished his wallet,
But the main point here
Is a stomach given sans cheer.
I wonder if Moe has had
The time and motive
To get a stomach transplant.
Then again, Docs here…
Is a mirror-universe twin.
He stretched the form of a clerihew,
For the first line should always consist of just a name, it is very true!
Dr. Unnamed Shrink
Had a Jungian think.
He would cure a mugging
With some inner-child hugging.
If that’s so, my dictionary’s crap.
I looked up clerihew, not knowing what it meant;
Only the rhyme and meter information was present.
In a strip surreal,
Defies gravity and dines
On Moe’s punchlines.
We are making great progress
But the road is long.
I wish I had a link here.
(Although I am most definitely enjoying old school Moe)
I’m so bad at this…
So many new posts!
It’s almost like Jetpack Hunk
Had brought us right out of our funk.
But of course, that’s ridiculous–he’s a drifter.
And doesn’t have an ounce of mattress stain-lifter.
ukiaK, I believe it’s
“Old Sch`Moe’ol” for that.
Don’t know ’bout the syllables.
Test fires a homing missile, willy-nilly
His aim for crap targets went too far
And blew up Moe’s car.
zmiN, you’re quite correct that, today, many dictionaries aren’t worth the paper they aren’t printed on.
But, meanwhile, I was being too strict in my definition of a clerihew. The first clerihew ever composed did consist of just a name on the first line:
Sir Humphrey Davy
He lived in the odium
Of having discovered Sodium.
But Mr. Clerihew himself did compose several that were more free with the first line, consisting of verse that included a name:
“I quite realised” said Columbus,
“That the Earth was not a rhombus
But I am a little annoyed
To find it an oblate spheroid”
It only irritated Brahms
To tickle him under the arms
What really helped him to compose
Was to be stroked on the nose
And as repiP has shown, such a technique can be used to great comic effect.
A 911 dispatcher
Sent aid for Moe’s car’s sudden fracture.
He asked for a ride in the back seat:
“Since it’s free it’s the best kind of taxi“.
Was the first to be colored in shades of gray.
Mightn’t it be nifty
If Firman had used fifty?
Has a head round like Humpty.
He’s here to serve and protect,
And insists you give guns due respect.
Who here remembers sweet raven-haired Fay?
In museum’s halls, she led Moe’s heart astray.
But not for long, cuz Moe got it wrong
Or maybe Admiral Firman didn’t think she belonged.
But I saw today the pretty senorita Fay,
and rued to myself, what a shame she didn’t stay!
But then Moe wouldn’t be hiding some pee stains,
And we’d not be writing clerihews—to Our Great Pains!
eoM found on the floor,
While asking to stop at a store,
A napkin of bloody fingerprints.
“Shall we ditch ya?” yallaM reciffO hints.
ytpmuD reciffO concedes
That stopping at the market here leads
They, too, got out of their seats.
yallaM reciffO isn’t sanguine about juice.
He wants eoM to reduce
A frozen pile of entrails
Not capable of betrayals.
eoM wants juice of kiwi fruit,
But the grocer is an insufferable brute:
“We’ll carry that never,”
Plus banter with various amounts of clever.
In memory of C. Scrawl
Two thugs plan the fall
Of the Taxi of Justice.
“Let’s do this”
I temporarily stop:
I will not monop-
olise the good cop bad cop.
“yallaM reciffO isn’t sanguine about juice”
Should say ‘reduce
TO a frozen pile…’.
Add that to the typo file. :\
We have only two days.
(That was almost the start of a reverse haiku)
This anniversary is important to me, very important, and I will follow the words of Moe to bring it home.
Clerihews be damned. Or are they cleri-pews!?
Mine stink, anyway…Two days.
Thirty-four more posts.
A challenge: Word grist, commence!
My run of half a dozen
Was for this end goal:
The right count at the end time.
Mallay and Dumpty
Will not last much longer now.
I gave y’all a chance.
First, eoM has a plan
To get kiwi juice in a carton or can.
It backfires, making his eye sting.
Quothe he, “I’m just browsing.“
Officers and juices need to be iced
(This is before they can be raw fished and riced).
Kiwi with strawberry is close enough,
And those thugs are still out there, acting tough.
The greatest foes.
ytpmuD show off his smarts:
If their bullet-proof vest parts,
They could cool down some.
This Moe clerihew comes without a link
And this, I think,
Is right for our readership
In the spirit of violence censorship.
Eight-eight-eight closer than ever
hasten the annivers’moe’ry
September 4th, September 4th.
What is going on over here?
My name has gone… sideways?
I suspect this paradox
Is due to closeness
To eight hundred eighty eight.
The gangstas, revenged,
Have become a bit unhinged.
eoM doesn’t notice the war they fought,
“Check out this great shirt I just bought!“
The gangstas were not jailed.
A deus ex machina drunk driver
Leaves eoM a survivor.
I think I broke the machine before. It wouldn’t post all my words.
The machine shut down, but it was worth it to push it through.
My ability is nothing compared to that of zmiN, m1t, and others…
…..but I’m going to do what I can.
The goal is all important, almost no matter how we get there.
Plus all good pastries have a little fluff, marshmallow, in-between.
Consider this such vacant sugar, until my friends can deliver the solid coating on either side.
I wonder how many of these I can post.
It seems if I just want long enough, it will let me keep posting.
And we have only one day left, it’s time to push hard.
Unlike squishy Moe.
But with the brains of Bo.
And the scowl of Grandpa.
Last one. We’re almost there!
When the deadline is nigh ya,
Does the mirror prematurely break,
Or are my eyes believing a mistake?
Oh dear–I never thought of that–broken mirrors bring bad luck, zmiN!
As demons of misfortune could sneak through the din
Of our shattered vanity; and we, sporting safety glasses and brooms
Must stand fervently vigilant, until proper abnormality resumes.
No cause, repiP, for alarm or concern.
At eight hundred four score eight posts we should return
To our re-inverted selves
With no broken mirrors or shelves.
I dare not think on the chance,
Slim as it may be,
Of anything breaking then.
Haiku’s great effort
Has brought us much closer to
our goal. Yay Haiku!
All Hail, ukiaH–err Haiku!
Who provided that which had been meagre hitherto
Down the home stretch we justly are
Nearing when I can again play my guitar.
Anyone up for cheese rings?
They should be okay.
Still. Only slightly bloody.
Can’t believe it’s been a year!
Talk of mirrors, brooms,
And funhouses while we wait.
The birthday is drawing near;
And a question looms:
Who shall author triple-eight?
Who’s a worthy volunteer?
[Drat that premature posting...]
Who’s a worthy volunteer?
To dispel with comments great?
What I’m trying to say here,
As the deadline looms,
zmiN’s the one I nominate!
OH GOD ITS THE ANNIVERSARY HERE. HAPPY NEW YEAR OF MOE GUYS!!! let us pray for the good admiral’s safekeeping on his mighty quest. GOD BLESS ADMIRAL FIRMAN, GOD BLESS BED RIDDEN MOE, AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL
also after this current post whoever comments next will secure post 888 congratulations to them. we are a motley crew, a ragged band of misfits and miscreants but we stand strong in support of moe’s eternal struggle with pee stained bedding
Still a couple of hours early, but I think I’m ready here.
Such a notable post count
Deserves to have verse
Of a multitude of kinds.
As zmiN, the sole nominee
I accept this mattress stained with pee.
I just wish I had half the bravado
Of a halved avocado.
From a shrink and to the sky,
We have followed this Dope guy.
And if our Admiral at sea be lost,
We’ll find him again no matter the cost,
For he showed us the Best Pie.
Eight hundred fourscore and eight
Shows that Firman sure is great!
I gret just one thing:
I have no banner to bring
But a song to sing.
I don’t think this is anything to mope about, though, because
Favourable art in words
(And sometimes in surds)
Sure beat my visual turds.
My palindrome skills are lacking.
This verse is written upside-down!
You’re reading this top to bottom?
Reading on comments of yore
I am reminded
How everyone is awesome.
Through stories spun of ARCHERY STORE AMAZONS and doctors of ill repute (and questionable phar`Moe’ceuticals – they never did give me that Schedule V stuff), 3D Moe and candy sketches, minimalist haiku and palindromes, epic haiku combobs and koans, anagrams and an Admiral awkwardly accepting all awe, cats are only spared when current events no longer block creative tetrises.
And now, time to close
In the traditional form
Of raw fish and rice.
* bows, takes the award, and passes out upon smelling it *
WOW! Happy birthday, Moe #855!
The need for a banner/flag/bannerflag is stated.
The need is fulfilled. I no longer feel so guilty for not having made the banner to put in the anniversary post.
It seems the mirror universe spell is still affecting some. For those that would come back to this reality, speaking the following magic words may help:
Hocus pocus! Turn!
Raw fish and rice awaits us!
And because my mirror counterpart neglected to mention it, Happy first birthday, Moe comic #450. May you eventually be potty trained! Also, (early?) Happy first birthday to Philip’s child! May it be the first of many!
Same url, but comment-11945
The need is fulfilled. I no longer feel so guilty for not having made the banner to put in the anniversary post.
It seems the mirror universe spell is still affecting some. For those that would come back to this reality, speaking the following magic words may help:
Hocus pocus! Turn!
Raw fish and rice awaits us!
And because my mirror counterpart neglected to mention it, Happy first birthday, Moe comic #450. May you eventually be potty trained! Also, (early?) Happy first birthday to Philip’s child! May it be the first of many!
Comment blocked by moderation
Due to two included links, it seems
Spurs the thoughts to the creation
Of alternate info conveyance.
Conveyance rhymes with seems, right?
Ooh it feels so good;
Bask in the pampering warmth,
Freedom from mirrors!
I love that the air
Reaching, tickling down my throat
I slow clap for Nimz
And his mirror counterpart,
For what it’s worth, though,
Nimz’ spell didn’t work for me.
Here’s the word I used:
Despite what I said,
This unreflected air smells
Of soggy mattress.
Eh? My guarantee
Of that spell working was wrong?
Maybe just for me… :\
Perhaps as a start
Our spells can be used to help
Others find their own?
Be that as it may,
Our freedom from silvered glass!
Oh, the freedom from
Perplexing contortions is
Ever sweet for me!
(Hidden words abound
And remind of heros both
Abroad and right here.)
Thank you Nimz! That worked! I’m no longer stuck in the mirror universe! But now Moe has pee stains and the bed looks like the pit of a halved avocado…
Let’s see how soon Google indexes this page to find the word “abracadacarba”… Maybe we can use it a lot in abracadacarba-based links to bump this page’s rank in Google…
If Moe and the bed have swapp’d,
… Means every future
Moe will be the unseen Moe.
Save Plato’s cave `Moe’n!
That was so beautiful…
Oh, and abracadacarba. Is that how you spell abracadacarba?
I’ve only heard of abracadacarba being spelled abracadacarba. Maybe if you spell it bac… Hmmmn. That… which side of the mirror am I on now, anyway?
Not sure why, but I can no longer see the strip itself. Even if I flip through archives and come back to strip #450, it’s not there.
I think someone invoked abracadacarba one too many times….poof!
and piper scores 900. good god this comic is like a breeding ground for achievements and milestones
The second appearance of the dispatcher
Shows her neck that really increases her stature.
“EMERGENCY DISPATCH!”, she cried. And her boss opined,
“We’re 911… Is there any other kind?”
I’ve heard of someone named Sadi
Whose claims to sainthood are rather shady.
When, like Moe, he leaves his drink behind by mistake
He covers it with a purchase that’s fake.
[Once more, with feeling! And perhaps this time with a functional link...]
Why do I come back?
All we ever have are poems.
Oh, I guess that’s why.
Mr. Dope confirmed his full name
And received a tricycle that came
With apologies for exploding his car.
You won’t get rust stains from that handlebar.
Palindr‘moe’, considering the line you chose for the link, it’s almost appropriate it was fake the first time through.
Moe’s next-door neighbor
Is a connoisseur of machines for manual labor.
A tricycle sucks, as he knows,
But it’s he himself that really blows.
(That one was particularly awesome)
Another Mallay and Dumpty strip is up next. I wonder if the Billy that’s being threatened by them is the same Billy that blew up Moe’s car. They look different, but that could be the passage of time affecting young ‘uns more strongly. Did Billy have an indirect hand in meting out poetic justice?
Soon, clerihews for
Cinema Girl and boyfriend:
Angela and Josh.
Raw clerihews and rice?
If you see Admiral Michael Firman
In a tank named for Sherman,
It sure would be nice
To offer him raw fish and rice.
What? Officers Dumpty and Mallay
Alive? Why didn’t they stay
Dead? Oh, or is this just a flash-
back? Showing their evil schemes to get cash?
The deeds of Officer Mallay
Remind me of the NSA.
They’re supposed to protect and serve,
But they’re rifling our private photos—the nerve!
That kid on the billboard, (…Billy?),
Has a grin that’s remarkably silly.
In all my years,
I’ve never seen another smile that extends beyond the wearers’s ears.
Though he’s got nothing on Moe,
Basking in the billboard’s glow.
From this vantage it’s hard to make his features out,
But if that upper lump is not an eye, then he’s got a mouth like a trout.
This old geeze was a big bag of sass,
There’s no way he was letting Moe pass.
When he asks a question rhetorical,
He won’t accept a response interrogorical.
Cinema Girl (née Angela)
Has a few questions for this Moe fella.
“Are you okay? Your eyeballs are hearts.”
“Oh my God! That’s how a hazardous eye disease starts!”
Moe needs to come up with a joke
To cover his pretty pretty choke.
It’s a close shave,
But he makes an epic save.
Poor, sad Moe;
Romantic missteps have left him feeling low.
He picks himself up with his imagination,
Of forgiveness, a date, hand-holding, love, and zombie decapitation.
A Lump of Stupid interferes
When Moe wants to apologise for tears.
Moe can see he’s being let*
By the Lump’s unintentional threat.
* archaic meaning
Moe gets a shiner for his wise talk.
He continues to learn why not to mock
The looks of maidens fair:
Da-Doink! I hope the freak has a spare pair.
A monument erected,
Sodden and much urine stained,
Of arts being perfected
With raw fish and rice engrained.
Though the ink wells seem nigh dried
In our current dormant state,
From the sea, where we reside,
Come reservoirs by the crate.
Lest our hero feel neglect
From the sports on his TV,
Let’s strive to show him respect
The Sanchez fly hit won’t see.
I am not so poetically skilled to contribute, but I just want to say that I *LOVE* these comments summarizing old comics. WOW
Doramjan, it doesn’t take much to try.
What do I look like to you, some kind of poet guy?
You can find Poem Valley, most def.
As long as you remember your <a href>*
* <a href=(url of the old comic being referred to)>
Oh, and don’t forget the </a> at the end of what you want to be hypertexted. >_>
Our sweet prince’s jokes are not very fresh,
And they just don’t mesh
With the clown’s studio routine.
Pretty sure that clown is heckling the next time he’s seen.
I could’ve sworn I wrote and posted a clerihew for the unnamed detective shortly after the unfresh prince one. Maybe I fell asleep instead of hitting the Submit Comment button. Let’s see if I can recall it well enough to rebuild it from scratch…
An unnamed detective
Will hear defective
Intel on who iced two cops.
At the news he will lose his bottle of rye schnapps.
I have not heard of scotch whiskey being referred to as schnapps, but a certain dictionary (the same one that failed to inform me about the name-in-the-first-line convention for clerihews… maybe I should check other sources…) told me schnapps can be any strong, dry spirit.
Cinema girl wrote a note
For Moe’s tricycle to faithfully tote.
While thoughts sway toward the visceral,
Moe is reminded the other hand is literal.
That one took a while to find a suitable word to rhyme with ‘literal’.
yes but nimz whilst schnapps may be scotch scotch may not be schnapps. there are very specific laws governing what may be classified as scotch whisky
If scotch is specific and schnapps is vague, I don’t see that there would be an incorrect usage of words, despite the loss of detail, in referring to the specific thing in more generic terms. Or put another way, as far as I can tell, scotch is a subset of schnapps. If there are scotches that are not schappses, I will gladly rewrite the clerihew to be more faithful to Film N’Moe’ir.
it’s much like how a square is a type of rectangle but a rectangle is not a type of square. the addition of extra guidelines separates the two in one direction. so whilst cola is a type of soft drink, soft drink is not a type of cola.
I realised I like beverages a lot and probably have a drinking problem.
Squares and rectangles -
These I understand. But now,
Q: Is scotch the square?
If ‘Affirmative’ is the A:,
The rectangular schnapps can stay.
But if square scotch is not quite true,
I will rewrite that clerihew.
Meanwhile, Moe appears okay
As he goes to purchase a bouquet.
The flies from Moe’s wallet indicate
The florist’s day will go great.
Moe waxes philosophically
Whilst hand-crafting a bouquet methodically.
A picture of Moe’s heart
Must include fungi as a part.
Um, this should be a working link.
It didn’t care for the missing http:// I think.
oh man now I come to the hardest day of my life: calling scotch square. the mantra “it’s hip to be square” just doesn’t prepare you for the day. I forgot all about moe’s early wooing days
Moe takes his paper stuffed with wheat and ‘shrooms,
And all the hair not on his head, he grooms,
“I’m sure that slushie slave won’t notice the bouquet’s messiness,
When she’s distracted by my half-closed-eyelid sexiness!”
The ace gumshoe rides solo
Hot on the tail of the ’76 El Bolo.
He’ll stick around ’til that cock-eyed, chrome-domed cookie is ready to blow,
Without the greenbacks, he can’t rub him out during the picture show.
Huey Lewis and the News
Did their best to prepare you to call good booze
By a term generally not considered friendly.
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about forcing your hand there, Omi.
Angela’s Boyfriend‘s mom and dad
Seem to have given him a name that would have had
A terrible emotional impact:
Have you seen grade-schoolers with tact?
Josh is not Angela’s boyfriend!
She hates him, the end.
“Don’t you dare hit the lady, you jock!”
“I will — the same eye, I’ll sock.”
For reference, see the Da-Doink! from comments a fortnight ago.
I pull up a chair.
Dust rises and heads look up.
Both will settle soon.
*BLAM!* (reload) *BLAM BLAM*
The gumshoe fired his gun to
Make sure it still works.
A return of sorts
To haikus and to posting.
Too literal link?
Angela likes the hand-picked arrangement,
But her face undergoes a strange derangement
When shifting moss shows
Something that will decompose.
Now Angela wants to pour out her heart.
Pouring out blood and guts is Moe’s part.
“Can you share with me those emotes
In the form of cliff notes?”
The PI plugged a slug in the ugly lug’s jug.
Moe, your grave has been dug.
In the midst of a confusing situation,
The detective proves to be a master of negation.
“Moe, wasn’t your stomach shot clean through?
Couldn’t that kill you?”
“No stomach was in that bullet’s flight line.
It’s fatal if I die, but ’til then I’m fine.“
The gumshoe is not only a master of not,
But mastry of logic he’s also got.
“Because you were shot in the belly,
So thus ergo you murdered Officers Mallay and Dumpty!”
For the fiftieth episode in the story of Moe,
His cuffs are too tight, but he can still show
None can ignore him, despite fashion sense,
When he releases his flatulence!
Angela could not confess her true feelings,
While Josh wanted more Moe dealings.
My question for Josh (please leave me from the answer, spared):
How do you give a wedgie to someone un-underweared?
Someday Cinema Girl will return, when we least expect it.
Someday comes sometime.
The spark of hope still persists.
Don’t stare, just be warmed.
it will soon arrive
it is on the horizon
1000 posts. fuck.
LET US MARCH ONWARDS BROTHERS. i even made a haiku just for this non-event occasion
I pondered Moe’s plight
And emailed the Admiral.
Report: HE YET LIVES!
nearing a thousand
as brother Omi says, march
onward! for Firman!
Falos’ words are few,
but hold a wealth of meaning.
Mad props to Falos.
Moeseph Pontoon Dope
slipped on a bar of soap.
as he fell to his aft
the audience laughed
at a tried and true comedy trope.
I will reach one thousand,
All by myself,
all I have to do
is lower my standards
and not worry about rhyming or line lengths.
Doramjan! Could you
construct another one of
your Batman-esque charts?
I have never been good at rhyming or line lengths.
but what I lack in skill
I make up for in enthusiasm
maybe next time
m1t, I will try to make a chart, but I just fractured my ankle. It may be a while. . .
You never notice how much you use
Until one day you find it
Doesn’t think Moe had
His stomach mugged a long while ago,
As the evidence of comic #2 does show.
Wants you to rip
And roar with raucous laughter.
Did Moe like jokes ‘Moe’re a few years after?
Beds are for relaxing,
not for chores!
Not work that’s taxing,
but rather snores!
We can’t quit so close
to one thousand! C’mon guys,
let’s make this happen!
Tension is building.
Each post makes us more restless.
waiting waiting anxiously
wait anxiously wait!
Will this bed of pee
stains and relaxing become
Moeseph’s final rest?
Will he soar no more
on the wings of humorous
Pray that it be not
so! Come, let us hasten the
return of Moeseph!
One thing we can know:
`Moe’ssiah will come again;
Thus sayeth scripture.*
* `Firman’st book of Dope, chapter 7, verses 12-13. Or in some editions, chapter 12, verses 7-13.
this tension is like a ballista
or maybe a catapult
I still haven’t got this poem thing down yet
Hallow’s eve has passed,
And we approach the thousand!
Press on, my comrades.
sorry i’ve been gone
though busy with school business;
i always check in
i have not forgotten
Does anyone have the artistic chops to halve an actual avocado, and carve Moe’s likeness into the pit? That would be the ultimate fan-art for this comic!!
That would be so cool.
I don’t have the time or skill:
Big test this weekend.
That would be the ultimate Doramjan.
Wait, that would be the ultimate comma Doramjan.
Hmmm. Let’s get on it.
One step closer to 1000
Never stop moving.
don’t stop, never give up, keep on commenting till we reach the top
1000 and then a 1000 more
Love every post, ain’t no chore
If I get ahold of an avocado, I’mma take a hack at it, but I don’t have any legit cutting tools, just household knives/blades.
I wonder how many posts until we crash the server? Not that I want to rob us of Moe, but definitely curiosity.
15 more 15 more all we need is 15 more
wait that made it 14 and this makes it 13.
I think we might have found it
welp nevermind it wouldn’t let me comment for a while there
I run into that problem all the time.
But the gate keepers are relatively polite.
Don’t give up. Only eight more to go.
The March goes onward.
Then it becomes November.
March is a pun, see?
I wonder who shall have the honour of 1000.
I wonder what Moe would do with an air-mattress
or a sleeping bag
Or a water bed.
or a pull out sofa bed.
Or seven bunks above a single pea.
Seven bunks above
A single pea is quite clear -
Just two words: `pea’ stains.
Now, for my recent lack
Of clerihew look-back
I apologise much -
Soon I return to such.
BY GOVE WE’VE DONE IT. HUZZAH. HUZZAH. HUZZAH
aw man that was meant to be jove. Gove is place >.<
We did it? Were there internets won?
The ride thus far has been so much fun!
I would like to say some thank you stuff
To Firman, for pausing long enough.
I’ll have MORE thanks when more Moes get done.
I mean. like no pressure. There’s lots of gratitute going on here, for serious. But woah man! if you’re allergic to thankses, watch out when the next strip gets posted. Here’s to Moe’s eventual rise out of the pit of held-by-matress’s-event-horizon.
One thousand and four!
Here’s to many more!
If Moe didn’t cause a space-bending singularity alone, 1000 legit comments loaded with miles of poetry did the rest.
In case it wasn’t clear, I just pointed out that this we’ll all be collapsing into a black hole shortly. It’s been an honor working with you folks, /tiphat.
That’s not to `Moe’ntion
Uncountably many puns.
Meet y’all closely, soon.
takes up five whole syllables -
Limits my poem!
My first haiku is
Not of celebration but
Where are the comments?
My next haiku comes
In a black-sealed envelope
“Firman gone for good?”
I’ve seen some weird stuff.
I’ve explored the internet.
This page stands alone.
Dece’Moe’ber is off to a slow start for comments. Come on! Let’s show our Christ’Moe’s cheer!
Doramjan is right! Although, what would Moe celebrate? I think Christ’Moe is it. He’d take all the presents and then return the ones he didn’t want unwrapped.
What about a Moe’neku? I’m not sure how to promote that one.
EMAIL — Required, will not be published