Also an accurate depiction of how I sound when I speak
December 11th, 2009
I’m not one to call other people on the internet “liars”, but Drew Mokris posted a pretty big lie on his big fat lying website the other day. It is true that I e-mailed him a guest comic, but in his obscene cowardice Drew hid the original content of the messages in a sick attempt to make me appear smarter than I am. Here is the uncensored version of our correspondence:
You will also note that he has earned my coveted GMail label, “Cool Dudez”.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Giant Jesus’ balls, Firman, you’re spoiling us with your funny stuff! Stop it before we develop standards - the blood will be in your hands.
Comic blood.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Okay okay, it’s true. I fabricated the email chain that I posted. It’s just like what Dwayne “the rock” Johnson says in his upcoming film “The Tooth Fairy”: “You can’t handle the tooth.” Except “tooth”, it’s really the “truth” that I can’t handle.
Seriously guys, you shoulda seen the emails BEFORE this one from Michael. It was like he found a way to actually distill the drool on his keyboard and convey it into the email protocol. One time I got one that was nothing but the letter “C” for eight pages. My first theory was that Michael was a cat who’d discovered the family desktop. That or a guy who makes webcomics.
December 11th, 2009 at 10:29 am
@Drew
That or a cat who makes webcomics
December 11th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
duh duh
December 12th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
This shit must be an unwieldly handgrip which permits and facilitates the use of a large hatch at the entryway of a building because I’m having a hard time HANDLING it.
Yeah alright fuck you crackers I’m a black man who’s anti-education.
December 14th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
I should copy that part about the age into my resumes
[name]
I’M AM 23 ! DUH DUH
Qualifications:
December 15th, 2009 at 3:06 am
You have a latrine?
January 17th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Better yet, Jack:
Will you ever show us your latrine? Pretty please??